


Mimir's Head

by ShinigamiSlingby



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Implied Relationships, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Nyotalia France (Hetalia), Past Relationship(s), Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-06-06 17:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15199703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiSlingby/pseuds/ShinigamiSlingby
Summary: College AU- the chapter names are based on the Nordic runes (Elder Futhark) and contain small descriptions of them.Berwald has been running all of his life but, at this new college, he may have found the very thing that he has unknowingly been running towards.





	1. Reid

Meaning: The road, a spiritual or physical journey.

Berwald's POV

The train was disgusting. Nothing could be positively said about it; it was dingy, cramped; and smelled like sweat. Although the apprehension formed in Berwald's mind, he knew that it was the only way to escape that hell The train gave him even more of a reason to run away. College, however, might be the thing that he needed to actually escape.

It was an international college in the middle of England-well, roughly- and it provides classes for people who aren't as confident in English as they could be. Berwald didn't need them but he felt that it might be a more welcoming environment for him- and especially his thick accent. He thought that it could be possible to meet other Swedish students to speak to. If not, he could settle with almost anyone. For someone who hates speaking to strangers, or anyone for that matter, he certainly knows a lot of languages.

God, this train stinks...

Berwald looked around the train, mentally complaining about all of the people present. Many, he assumed, we're going to the college campus.

The first was an uptight looking man. He had flat, tawny hair that was slicked back- apart from one rediculous strand that stood about 2 inches from the man's head. He wore a pair of wire rimmed glasses- they were perched haphazardly on the end of his long nose. His clothes were the main point of confusion though. The lilac suit was the least of his worries- the main one was a large white cravat. A cravat?! The man noticed Berwald staring and flared at him, reopening the book that lay on his lap. It seemed to be an advanced music theory textbook but surely it couldn't be. Who reads a textbook for leisure?

The second was sat next to him- a white haired man on his phone. Obnoxiously loud music played from his headphones- some metal band by the sound of it. He was dressed in all black and mostly grime. The clothes themselves looked as though they hadn't been washed in a month. Not to mention the half ripped Rammstein t-shirt- either a new trend, or a disgusting example that he cannot dress himself. The man had his arm wrapped around the first man's waist, the other was scrolling through his phone. Every now and then, he would look at the first man and grin.

Another was a woman, she was sat next to Berwald. She had thigh-length blonde hair and piercing blue eyes- to which the gaze was focussed on a text message. An almost unnoticeable smile plagued her lips.

Hey Nat, see you later. I'll be waiting in college for you already- Vash lent me a lift. I love you xxx ♡♡

I'll be there in a short while. Trying to not keep you waiting but this train is taking forever. Also, this wierd man is reading my texts so I'm going to go. love you Erzsi xxx

She shot an aimed gaze at Berwald and then continued to scroll through her phone. He immediately moved his eyes, in an almost fear, to the floor below.

"Hey, can I, like, sit here? Your bag's in my way." a grating but familiar voice came from his right. He turned to see a long haired man dressed in grey jeans, a shirt and an ultramarine coloured blazer.

"Feliks?" Berwald mumbled "I haven't seen you in years" Truth be told, he didn't like Feliks. He was whiney and petulant- as though he was still a child- but Berwald had to tolerate him. He was good friends with Feliks' boyfriend.

"Ber! Hey, how are you? You going to that college?" Feliks questioned before sitting next to a rather disgruntled Berwald. Throughout this statement, Feliks simply looked at his nails.

"Yes, I, er thought it was for th' best. And you? How's Toris?"

"Yeah, I'm going there but, I'm like so tired." He began, putting too much emphasis upon the "so". "And Toris is going too, it was his idea to take us actually. I, like, admire his talent for sporting places" Every time Feliks used the word 'like' incorrectly, Berwald grimaced further. Talking to this man is like talking to a teenage girl.

"What do you think of Birmingham then?" Feliks questioned, snapping Berwald from his thoughts.

"Oh, er, I moved directly from home to here- I do not know anything about the city, apart from a coffeeshop." he spoke, meaning his family home in Jokkmok.

"Wow, what a change! That's crazy. But like, yeah. I could show you round if you want." Feliks spoke with a brief smile. Berwald could have kicked himself- he knew he shouldn't have told that to the irritating Pole. Then again, it did beat being alone.

"Fine, I'll buy you a coffee to make up for it some time. There's a Starbucks near the place we need to go."

"Yeah, it's by that shopping centre thingy?"

.

The train finally ground to a halt; their stop being a huge station. Well, it's a huge station compared to the one near his home in Sweden. The contents of all of the carriages poured out of the small, glass doors and onto the platforms. One of which stopped at the door, staring at Berwald.

He was a small man, who was fairly tanned and had auburn hair. His face showed an example of pure terror and loss. "Excuse me sirs?" he began, tapping Feliks on the arm "I heard you talking about the college and I am hopelessly lost and I don't have my boyfriend with me and-" He shook his head "What I mean is, can I come with you two to the college?" His thick accent became even stronger with every tangent to his ramble.

"Course, follow me!" Feliks chirped, nodding to the man.

They stepped off the platform and into the main centre of the train station. It was made of glass and complete white walls. The automatic doors were in reach now, and so was the new city.

"So, what's your name kid?" Feliks spoke- always as though the listener is younger than him. This was after an awkward silence.

"Feliciano Vargas" he spoke, jumping slightly. This was at either the sudden cold air or the obnoxious Polish man's question.

"Well, I'm Feliks and this is Berwald." Feliks simply didn't let anyone else speak before him. Much to Berwald's annoyance and gratitude.

"W...What do you do in college?" Feliciano asked, nervously trying to start a conversation whilst they were walking through the densely packed streets.

"I'm going to be doing Media, English language and Psy-"

"Fashion BTEC? I think that's what it's called" Feliks interrupted, leaving Berwald to glare into the back of his head.

"Psychology" Berwald finished with a snarl.

Feliciano motioned to Berwald- this was for him to walk slowly. Feliks, of course, didn't notice and he carried on walking and talking to a non-existent audience.

"Let's leave him. My Ludwig and his brother will be along in a moment, see? A text!" The man was practically jumping out of his skin as he showed Berwald the text message.

Feli, i will be there shortly with Gilbert and Roderich. Wait for me outside the train station. Love you xx

"How are you anyway?" Berwald asked as he watched the Pole walk away, still somehow talking to himself.

"I'm good thank you. Better now I know Ludwig is on his way!" Feliciano beamed at Berwald. "And you?"

"I'm ok"

"Good, I'm glad"

The conversation died until an incredibly tall, blond male walked up to them. He had the two men from the train in tow. Feliciano, upon seeing the tall man, actually let out a squeak of delight and ran to him.

"Luddy, you're here!" Feliciano exclaimed hugging the man tightly. The man, now known as 'Luddy', kissed Feliciano's hair and tried to escape the grasp of the tiny Italian.

"Fer Christ's sake Feli, you've been away from him for 40 minutes- not a year." the white haired man howled with laughter- literally.   
."Who is your friend?" the blond man asked, once Feliciano had stopped hugging him. A thick German accent lined his monotonous voice.

"Oh, this is Berwald! He was so kind, he offered to help me get to the college. And he was patient and not too talkative, unlike the other man "

"Please to meet you." the man shook Berwald's hand firmly "My name is Ludwig Bielschmidt and anyone who keeps Feli out of trouble is a friend of mine"

"Alright, the name's Gilbert Bielschmidt but you can call me Gil- only Roddy here calls me my other nickname" the white haired man winked at Berwald. The other rolled his eyes and extended his hand out to Berwald.

"Roderich Edelstien" he smiled politely. "Please forgive my boyfriend, he simply has no tact"

"Not that you complain that much baby" Gilbert grinned, clapping Roderich's back.

"I complain about your lack of tact daily. Especially around new people. Remember- vulgarity isn't a replacement for wit"

"So, where are we all going." Ludwig's statement was clearly directed to Berwald.

"I'm going to the boarding homes, which I'm guessing you are too"

"Well, we're heading in the correct direction."

.

"Now, we don't have enough rooms for everyone this year- there has been a much bigger turnout than previous years. Short of renting out the broom cupboard, we didn't really know what to do. So some of you may be 4 or 5 to a room."

The entire room errupted into nervous conversation.

"Why'd they let so many in if they knew they couldn't house us?" Berwald heard from in front of him. It was the woman from the train. She was talking and holding hands with the woman next to her- presumably 'Erzsi' from the text.

"You will be split into groups with similar lessons. I hope you know who you are" he announced, the room descending into silence once again. "First group- Alfred Jones and Ivan Braginski. Second- Amelia Jones and Alice Kirkland. Third- Ludwig Bielschmidt, Antonio Carriedo, and Kiku Honda"

"How long is this shit gonna take. Should've brought that flat when we could Roddy" Gilbert sighed, watching his brother walk off with his new group. Feliciano looked lost without Ludwig, even if it was only for the first hour.

"Fourth- Anastasia Braginskaya, Annalise Zwiker, and Julchen Schröpfer-Hartleben. Fifth- Berwald Oxenstierna, Timo Väinämöinen, Matthais Køhler, Lukas Bondevik, and Emil Sielsson"

Berwald nodded, to no one in particular and walked down the hallway- that now had many people walking down it. How the hell are they going to fit 5 people in a 2 people, at best, room? They must have the largest room, surely? Before Berwald's mind ran away with itself again; another tall, blond man ran up to him.

The man's hair was sticking up in all directions but still managed to have a vague style to it. He was grinning wildly at Berwald but his eyes held mischief. His clothes were just as messy and unwashed as his hair. He was wearing a yellow t-shirt with bright red tracksuit bottoms. A Hiedivolk hoodie was thrown over his one shoulder also.

"So I'm guessing you're one of my roommates. God, you're tall." he spoke, continuing with an unnerving grin.

"My name's Berwald" he mumbled, mainly in the hopes that the man will leave.

"For God's sake Matt, you'll talk to anyone who will listen." an annoyed and mildly disinterested voice came from behind.

"You know that I have to speak to all my roommates." he chuckled, wrapping his arm around the smaller man's waist.

"I'm Lukas, this is Matthias. Emil is my little brother and this is Timo"

Berwald turned to see a small man, who was smiling and waving slightly. He was dressed in something completely unusual for college- they closely resembled Pyjamas. Tartan trousers and a Christmas themed hoodie- despite it being the end of August. Berwald couldn't help but smile at this- but every time he looks into the man's violet eyes or thought about him, his heart raced. All he wanted to do now was talk to the strangely beautiful man named Timo.

"Hello, how are you? It must be scary not knowing anyone here- I mean. I'm in a similar position- I have friends in the college but not here- but I can control it. Not that you can't, it's just... Hello, my name is Timo Väinämöinen. Pleased to meet you" Timo burst out, not looking Berwald in the eyes.

"Yes it is, I'm sorry. And hello Timo- my name is Berwald." he mumbled, being so used to apologising. He didn't even know if he did apologise or not at this point.

"Why did you say sorry?" These words punched Berwald in the chest. Why did I say sorry exactly? For not being able to talk to you Timo, for not talking as much as you. For not being as beautiful as you. For not fitting in as well as you, in your perfectly confusing way.

"I don't really know, sorry- I'm just tired" he laughed, tensing up in the wake of his laughter. He had not done that in a while..

They reached the room only a moment after the conversation faded. It was a large enough room to move in- with a double bed, a single bed, and a set of bunk beds. A desk lay in the car corner, it was next to the door that led to the only bathroom. A TV and a table with a kettle on it sat infront of the beds and by the main door. In between these lay a huge wardrobe.

"Right- Timo, Berwald. You will get the bunks. Emil, you get the single bed. And Lukas and I get the double bed." Matthias ordered with an eyebrow waggle towards his boyfriend. Lukas simply rolled his eyes and dragged his suitcase up onto the double bed in the centre of the room. "Pick areas of the wardrobe that you can remember are yours and we should be fine."

They all began unpacking items on their beds and then into the wardrobe. Timo, from the corner of Berwald's eye, took out a large stuffed dog from his bag. It was an obnoxiously red dog, who was battered beyond belief.

"Aw, the Finn has a teddy bear" Matthias cooed. "If you ask nice enough, the Swede could take the role of your teddy bear, eh? Can't deny the way he looks at you." Berwald shifted uncomfortably on the spot as he unpacked the items into the left side of the wardrobe. "What do you say Ber? Wouldn't mind that job"

"Let's go." Timo mumbled, tapping Berwald's arm.

"See? It's happening already!" Matthias continued, not noticing that he was making them uncomfortable- and that Emil and Lukas couldn't care about his games. Emil was sat on his phone and Lukas had just pried out a copy of The Antichrist from his suitcase and sprawled out across the bed, reading.

The two made their way down the hallway before speaking again- Berwald's face was a brilliant shade of red by this point.

"I'm sorry..." Berwald spoke, just above a whisper, as he looked to the ground.

"But it isn't your fault Berwald" Tino began, his reassuring voice actually made Berwald believe this- for the first time in his life " You can't control what comes out of that wierdo's mouth- come to think of it, I don't think even he can control what comes out of his mouth." Hearing his name come from Timo's mouth made Berwald's heart jump. It sounded like a curse from the lips of an angel. Like the very pyres of hell were being softened by the breath of a god.

"Ah. Er, yes, you are correct." He pushed his glasses up and walked with Timo once more.

Before long, they found themselves in the Starbucks near the Mailbox. The coffee here isn't the best, in Berwald's opinion, but it'll do. Mainly because of the company he is keeping...

"What would you like? I'll pay. And order cause you look terrified." Timo smiled brightly, tapping Berwald's arm.

"I'll have a small mocha, keep it cheap for you. The prices here are insane." he nodded "I'll get us a table too"

 


	2. Daeg

Meaning: Day or daylight. A breakthrough or sudden change.

Berwald's POV

"I got you a large, it doesn't matter about the price " the small man beamed, placing the tray upon their table. It was the table in the furthest corner away from the door- not that there were anyone there anyway.

"Are you sure? You should keep your money, you know?"

"Don't be so silly, you seemed stressed and I wanted to treat you." In Berwald's eyes, Timo had a smile that could melt away all of his stress like snow in the spring.

"Well, I owe you then." Berwald nodded firmly, only taking yes as an answer.

"You don't owe me at all. It's a treat. Just don't expect one every day" Timo laughed, handing a few packets of sugar to Berwald. "I hope you don't mind Brown sugar- it goes better in coffee anyway"

"I hope I get one every day" Berwald mumbled accidentally. He realised what he said in panic, hoping that Timo hadn't heard his words. "Ah, yes. Brown sugar is good, I don't have a lot of sugar in these things anyway."

"So, what are you studying?" Timo suddenly spoke, not hearing (or pretending not to) Berwald's comment. In his panic to answer quickly, he had forgotten everything. He was certain that he had forgotten his own name if asked. But he could recall the exact pitch and warmth of Timo's voice. "It's ok," Timo chuckled "Take your time"

As the heat pooled into Berwald's cheeks, he finally remembered the information that he needed to relay. "I take Psychology, English Language, and Media studies." He had never felt this stupid in his whole life- this thought was followed by a soft curse in many languages.

"Wow, you must be really smart!" Timo smiled brightly, causing the breath to stick in Berwald's throat. He really thinks that I'm smart? If it weren't for it being Berwald, he could have swore he felt a smile creep onto his deadpan face. "I'm boring, I just take the 3 Sciences again"

"But they are magnificent subjects! And you need to be far smarter to take them anyway." Berwald protested through the steam of his coffee. He picked up the large mug and brought it to his face.

"We are different types of smart." Timo began, interrupting the silence with a blindingly obvious comment "You are language smart, and I am number smart."

"We see the world in completely different, yet blazingly similar ways." Berwald nodded, understanding the young Finn more than he had before. Berwald was smart in the ways of linguistics and creativity, Timo was smart in the ways of numbers and figuring out how to piece the world together. Two seperate qualities but go the best together.

"Anyway, how is life away from college? Family, and stuff I mean." Timo mirrored Berwald's previous action and looked to him through the steam of his own mug.

'Fairly normal. As normal as a household with 6 children can be. I have 4 brothers, one sister, and my parents. Before I left, they were considering bringing my grandmother into the house- as she is very old now and all alone." Berwald nodded "It's noisy all of the time but I love it. Someone has to counter balance my quietness." And I hope that can now be you, Timo.

"Ah, my house was the opposite. I was an only child, until my mother remarried last year. Then I had a step- brother and sister. I never knew my birth father but mother says he was a horrible man."

"Ah, I am so sorry to hear that" Berwald had rehearsed a more sympathetic verse but his mind went blank upon looking into those eyes. Berwald had gone through similar- his mother divorced his father and remarried, it was the step father that was horrible. He used to beat his mother until she left. His father caught wind of this and he beat the man to near-death. He eventually made up with his mother and they remarried.

"It's ok. My mother was all the parent I needed. And my step dad is lovely too- Olavi is quite like you actually. Oh, and I have my cousins and aunties and uncles- they're all the family I need" Timo grinned and placed his hands on Berwald's for a brief second. This left Berwald's mind racing.

"H...how about friends then?"

"Well, I have a lot of those! Many of which come here. Like Toris, Eduard, and Ravis. Oh, and Lili, and her brother. And- well, there was a school, like this, not far away and most of my friends went there." He paused to take another sip of coffee "And how about you? I'm sure you have a lot of friends" This made Berwald's mind laugh bitterly. He really expects you to have friends? He thinks people tolerate you.

"Well, I don't." he smiled weakly, pushing his glasses up. " I have enough though." And I hope that you can be one too Timo

He stood up in a panic, "Oh, I'm sorry. I keep saying the wrong things, don't I? I should just leave. I don't mean it but I'm making the conversation ne-"

"No please don't" Berwald didn't care that he had interrupted the man's rambling. He didn't care that he had his hand on Timo's arm- and that the touch felt like electric. The man sat back down and looked in Berwald's eyes.

Whether it was fear or defiance, or even a spark of something else, Timo's eyes shone. They made Berwald's heart almost stop as they softened upon meeting his own. The eyes with small wrinkles at the corners from smiling often. The violet eyes that captivated his whole being. Another, smaller apology fell from Timo's lips as he re-ajusted himself in his chair.

"You're apologising more than me and that is saying something" To coin a phrase from the odd Italian from earlier.

"I know" Timo's eyes almost looked upset. They then darted back to Berwald with the same look as before. Violet eyed boy, with such a beautiful gleam in them. The young man who vaguely smelled of coffee and wildflowers. The man who smiled like sunlight. Shut up Berwald, you're going red again...

"What kind of things do you do for fun? Away from work?" Timo repositioned his hands around the cup and took a sip, closing his eyes as he did so. His light eyelashes fluttered as the eyes behind them moved.

"Well, I sew..A bit odd, I know. And I cook and I write," You write poetry Berwald, don't deny it.  "and I make things out of wood" Timo chuckled; looking into, what felt like, Berwald's soul.

"You really are a gentle giant, aren't you?" His voice played with hints of relief.

"Well what do you like to do then?" Berwald mumbled, admiring Timo's smiling face in its full detail. The small wrinkles at the corner of his eyes and cheeks. His slightly pink complexion; and gleaming, violet eyes. They seemed almost heavy with laughter- half lidded and pushed up by his cheeks. The smile that lit up a room- the smile that shone with an air of innocence and unbridled joy.

"Well, I like drawing, hiking and metal music" he grinned; as though those hobbies were made to be together. "Oh, and photography! Although getting hopelessly drunk is probably my favorite hobby." Berwald snorted- in either amusement or surprise- at this. The young man didn't seem the type to get drunk often. "Was that funny?" Timo tilted his head in genuine concern.

"Of course not, it was just surprising." Berwald spoke over his mug of coffee, trying to conceal his face. He helplessly tried to search for another conversation topic but failed miserably. Everytime his mind tried to think of something else, it just wanders back to Timo.

"I hope that I can provide more surprises for you" How could this sweet, innocent man make anything sound like an innuendo at the mere inflection of his voice? Maybe it is just your mind, you pervert. "Anyway, what would you like to do when you leave this place? Sorry it's all questions" Berwald didn't care that he was practically being interrogated- this was because he was spending time with this magical and mysterious man.

"No it's ok." Berwald attempted to smile but he gave up in embarrassment. How could he compare to Timo? "I don't mind. And I would like to go to university and possibly be a language tutor or a translator"

"Wow, they are really cool career paths!" Timo actually had to stop to compose himself, finding himself more enthusiastic on this topic than Berwald was. "How many languages do you know?"

Berwald turned a vibrant shade of red. Now this is where he finds out how much of a nerd you are Ber.   
"Well, Swedish is my mother tongue- then English as it is the language I speak in the most. Then, in level of most knowledge: Danish, German, Norwegian, conversational Russian and Estonian. I also know basic phrases in Spanish, Czech, and Hungarian- nothing much really but enough to get by."

"Wow! That's so many. I only know Finnish and English.." He looked to his lap, as if thinking of something to say "Could you... teach me some languages? I'd love to learn so many, not as many as you, but a few of them you know. I think that you would be a fantastic teacher too and-" he stopped himself abruptly, mentally berating himself for, what seemed like, the 20th time. "I'll stop rambling now.." His gaze returned to his lap.

The Swede couldn't care less- he even enjoyed Timo's ramblings. They kept their little corner of the room from falling into silence after all. Berwald took a sip of coffee, pretending to not see Timo examining his face as he did so- especially his lips. Timo's violet eyes danced along his whole face but they seemed to linger along his lips for a moment too long. Timo then coughed loudly, trying to shake himself from his daze, making Berwald almost tip coffee all over himself.

"How about life in general? what would you like to do, where would you like to go? Who..." Timo stopped, glancing to the table "Who would you like to spend your life with?"

"You didn't tell me about your job" Berwald spoke immediately, placing his mug back onto the table. He winced at his tone- so demanding. Only he could make a sincere statement seem so rough. But how could he answer Timo's questions? How could he tell the man that sat infront of him now that he is possibly the one- the one he wants to spend his life with anyway.

"Ah, so I didn't" he chuckled, peering through low eyelashes. "Don't laugh, please" His plea actually sounded desperate. "I want to be a stay-at-home parent or a botanist." Timo looked into Berwald's eyes, as if for confirmation of his earlier promise- deeply fearing its ruin.

How is that laughable? How could anyone mock someone as beautifully honest and genuine as Timo?

"They are both admirable jobs and never let anyone else tell you any different. Berwald let his enthusiasm take over every word that came from his mouth. "Not many people do those jobs and even look down on the former but- in my experience- it is one of the only jobs with the hardest working employees."

"Thank you Berwald- I really appreciate it." Timo spoke with a sincere time. It was as though they were truly learning about one another- Berwald wouldn't want to even think of another way of spending his afternoon. "Now you must answer my questions." Timo let out a short laugh, placing his right hand over the left and humming quietly.

"Well, I would like to travel the world. Awfully cliché, I know. Languages are my passion but I don't get a chance to practice them here- and I certainly have no way of practicing them in my small, Northern village. What better way of learning than in the country itself?"

"So you are a man of the world at heart? Despite your act. I mean, it's not an act- we can all get scared every now and then. Not that you are scared, it's that you can cope in the social world" Timo rambled again, getting redder and even more reserved with every word.

"You know that I don't get angry or upset by your words?" Why are you saying this?! "You don't have to amend your words like that- I know what you mean. Language smart after all- as you said earlier." This warranted a light chuckle from Timo. That beautiful noise that resembled a small Christmas bell. Timo nodded without another word, promoting Berwald to continue his future dreams.

"I would still like a house in either England or Canada- they are both places dear to my heart. And I would have a stable domestic life- one full of comfortable nights and adventure-packed days.

Timo let out another laugh- it was sincere though, a laugh of agreement. "You have just described the life that I want. I want all of that and a flower shop of my own. Oh! And a perfect little garden with flowers of all kinds and a seated swing to look at it from. A beautiful husband to share my life with and..." he explained in a half-lidded, dream like state. Berwald clung onto his every word, hoping to be the one to make all of this come true.

"Would you like another drink?" Berwald asked, lifting Timo from whatever part of his brain that he resided in. He looked down into his cup with dismay and nodded. "It's a good job I always keep some money in every clean pair of Jeans that I own."

"Are you sure? I can get them if you cannot afford them' Timo asked, shock filling every part of his being.

"No, it's all ok. You have already brought one set, let me treat you born. Although I will ask if you collect them again. I can't really talk to strangers" Berwald grimaced, peering at the sulking and disinterested shopkeeper. He can't blame her though, there seemed to be no one there.

"Of course, I don't mind being the one who talks" Timo winked and took the money from Berwald. Now,he was left in his own thoughts as he watched the other man leave with the money and the tray. No man's hips should move like that...Then again, they're mesmerising.

Why was he being so open? He hadn't spoken this honeslty to anyone since... Oh my God  He hadn't been this open with anyone since his ex boyfriend- Bastian. They used to talk for hours, lay in eachother's arms. They would discuss anything and, more often than not, talk about nothing. That is what is happening here but Berwald refuses to admit it. Timo's smile, Bastian's smile- they both had faces that he could trust.

"God Berwald, why are you like this?" he whispered to himself, placing his hands on his temples. He could fall for any man who smiles at him often enough but this felt differrnt. Only one time before felt like this. Headfirst, blindingly beautiful. Unlike the other time, this was instant. One day was all it took.

"Hey, I got you something too. I figured you might like it" Timo beamed, holding out the tray. On top of it lay two round pastries covered in paper- and the two coffees again. "Cinnamon swirls! They're an all around good cake to get."

"Thank you, but you know that you didn't have to"

"Yes but I wanted to." Timo smiled and Berwald's chest swelled with delight. Every time he saw that simple- but oh so powerful- smile, he felt as though his very heart would burst. "You have kept me company and I am gratful of that. I would like to repay you."

"Thank you" Berwald repeated, closing his eyes as he placed a broken corner of the pastry into his mouth. The vaguely savory, and flaky, pastry was placed in perfect harmony with the cinnamon center. It was still nothing compared to Timo's smile.

"Well, I don't know if you are ready" Timo laughed, bringing Berwald back into a startlingly perfect reality. "But I have a few questions for you." Berwald was willing to answer anything that the the young Finn threw his way.

"By all means" Berwald spoke around his coffee mug "go ahead"

"Well, what do you think of religion? To get serious for a second." Timo asked, genuinely interested in the topic.

"Well, I was raised Christian, by my mother, but I lost faith. I share no opinions on faith other than the fact that everyone is entitled to a religious belief- as long as it is respectful of others. I'm agnostic but I'm far more spiritual." Berwald answered honestly "I hope I didn't offend you"

"No, I agree." Timo nodded with a smile. "Although I do follow my country's old gods. I am a polytheist and a pagan." Now Berwald was not expecting that. "As long as religion is used for peace and comfort, it can be a beautiful thing"

"Which god do you believe in? Being a polytheist." Berwald hoped he had chosen his words better.

"Well, personally, I follow the Finnish deities- Kuu is the one who I work with often. But I do believe that all the gods that we have believe in, or have ever believed in, exist in their respective homes. Whether it be Heaven, or Mount Olympus, or Asgard-" Timo winked "they're all there. Humans chose, or are born into, a religion and they should respect the existence of all gods."

"That is a beautiful belief" Berwald spoke, unsure of what to actually say after that truly stirring speech "And I think you have opened my eyes"

"It wasn't stupid then?" he furrowed his eyebrows and took a sip of his fresh coffee.

"Of course not. I'm surprised you didn't take philosophy with that view on the world" Berwald told him the genuine thought that he had.

"I'm truly honoured you think that!" Timo beamed, taking Berwald's words for what they are- his honest opinion.

"What do you believe happens when we die?" Berwald asked, letting the mood drop to a frightening level of morbidity. He feared that this topic was too morbid for someone as cheerful as Timo- but, then again, Timo seemed like a person who would love any kind of debate.

"Personally, I believe that there is no hell- only a just punishment for those who have commited major crime. Those who have murdered and raped and all those other crimes. Those who have not return to their family and friends to live together again."

"That is spectacular" Berwald mumbled, desperately trying to not think of his own death. He enjoyed speaking about it but the concept of his own demise terrified him to the core. "I believe that we are reunited with our soulmates- whether we have met them in real life"

"You believe in soulmates?" Timo asked, delighted at the mere mention of the topic.

"Of course" how can I not when I'm staring at you "It is a beautiful topic and it should be taken more seriously. The feeling of finally meeting that one person who changes your whole life. The one who makes your entire life burst with colour, when it has been grey, even if you have only known them for one day" You're getting carried away Berwald "the one who makes your life so much more worth living."

"You sound like to speak from experience" Timo replied, raising an eyebrow. Although this was a harmless sentence, Berwald felt it as an attack. It was as though Timo could see straight through him.

"Maybe I am" Berwald mumbled, taking another piece of pastry and hoping that Timo didn't actually hear that.

"What do you think your soulmate would look like?" This was the final straw on the metaphorical camel's back. Berwald's words froze in his throat and his face grew with heat- causing his glasses to steam slightly.

"Hey" the barista sauntered over, much to Berwald's gratitude "I'm gonna have to ask you guys to leave. Manager's told me to shut up early cause of the lack of customers" this was clearly a lie on the red haired woman's part. She probably just wanted an excuse to go home early.

"Ok! Maybe we can help you clean up. What's your name?" Timo smiled at her. Berwald almost felt what seemed like a pang of jealousy fill his chest.

"Thank you. And my name is Juliette. What's yours?" She looked at them both but Berwald knew she was focussed more on Timo. This caused an undescribable rage to pool in the depths of Berwald's stomach. It was so rare for an occasion like this to happen.

"I'm Timo and this is Berwald. He is really sweet, even if he looks scary. Not that I think he's scary though." Timo grinned, Berwald feeling his face flash red again. He almost felt guilty about his previous emotional outburst. He pushed up his glasses and returned their mugs to the front counter.

.

"Well, I'm sorry but we must be leaving." Timo smiled, helping Juliette with the last chair. Berwald was staring at them both, pretending to finish the washing up that he had completed twenty minutes ago. Maybe he liked her- Berwald couldn't blame him. Juliette was pretty, much prettier than him. Far more talkative too. Juliette and Timo haven't stopped speaking since they met eachother.

"That's ok, I can lock up on my own." Juliette nodded, looking to Berwald "I'm sorry we didn't get to talk much"

Berwald felt his fists clench underneath the table. "Yes, the same to you" The anger welled up in his stomach, trying to not let her see it. "It was nice to meet you."

"Well! I hope I see you guys again. Bye" she exclaimed, waving to them through the frosted glass.

"Are you ok?" Timo asked, holding onto Berwald's arm. He froze at this mere action, trying to form words from his frozen throat. Timo's arm fit perfectly on Berwald's.

"Y.. yes I'm fine. Sorry" Berwald spoke in a voice just above a whisper. He held onto every detail of this moment. Timo's breath circling the unusually cold air. England usually has summer for at least another month before turning colder.

"Thank god! I thought that something was wrong and that you weren't ok." Timo smiled and hummed lightly to himself.

"So, what did you think of Juliette?" Berwald mustered up the courage to ask as they made their way back to the dorms.

"Well she was lovely and- oh? I get it. You think I liked her? Well that won't happen." Timo chuckled to himself, looking forward and away from Berwald's eyes.

"What do you mean?" Berwald managed to stutter out. His entire body tensed at the prospect of those words. He felt that he had said something wrong though.

"Berwald, surely you can't be that oblivious" he laughed, clearly playing on the fact that Berwald cannot read social cues at all. "The thing is- I'm gay Berwald. I wouldn't even like her of I wasn't. Yeah, she is nice and all but she was too talkative. I like someone who counteracts my loudness. Someone who is stoic, and only speaks when something is worth saying. Unlike me.."

By this time, they were standing outside the dorm room. Loud music blared through the thin wall and the door was left wide open. Some drunk man was lay outside the room, his own vomit steamed down his chin. After this, Lukas sauntered out of the room, can of lager in one hand and his copy of The Antichrist in the other. "I'm sorry for such behaviour- it was all Matthais and the German may I add. Join them if you wish."

Berwald gulped and tensed his jaw. Timo simply grinned. Probably at the prospect of getting completely drunk beyond belief.

 


	3. Pertho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Before anyone freaks out, both Roderich and Antonio are in their second year of British college (meaning that they were both 17 when they met)

meaning: A chance or mystery

Despite all of the heavy music and screaming party-goers, Berwald couldn't think of anything but Timo. He couldn't deny the way that he looked at the small blond- as Matthias so blatantly pointed out earlier. He also couldn't deny how embarrassed Timo looked when he spoke of his ideal partner. _Someone who is stoic...someone to counteract my loudness_...

"Oh so the lovebirds are back- if not late for the best party in the world." Matthais, who was stood on the table in the middle and was clung onto Gilbert for support, bawled out over the music. Timo flinched, pulling his arm away, and Berwald's heart sank. Gilbert cackled loudly, swinging his bottle of beer forward.

"So this is the couple you've been talking about. How sweet!" he spoke out, grinning wildly. His eyes were heavy and almost as if they weren't truly looking at anything. Timo shook his head and walked to the table of various alcohol. He then sat next to a small gathering of people.

In that moment, Berwald became lost. It wasn't a large room but all he saw was a sea of heads. Many were sat on the beds but most of them were stood up. They all had alcohol in their hands though- at least that was consistent. Roderich was sat on Berwald's bed; red-faced and grimacing at the sight that is his boyfriend. Gilbert was, at least attempting, to dance on the small table. It resembled more of an intoxicating turtle trying to get up from its shell.

The heavy scent of cigarette smoke, and the sickly sweet smell of another smoke, filled the room. Luckily, they were all gathered around the window. A tall man with insanely spiked hair was sat with a joint hanging out of his mouth. Berwald had to take another look at him to see if he was still conscious. He sat uneasily by Roderich and tried to strike up conversation.

"Hey, I'm sorry for my boyfriend" Roderich sighed, looking into his cup of schnapps. "He's annoying but he tries to mean well. He's just brash when he's drunk" Roderich shook his head "Who am I kidding, he's always the same." Sadness creeped into Roderich's face but he seemed to not notice it.

"You can say more you know. I'm all ears" Berwald nodded, picking up an unopened bottle from the side of the bed. He opened it on the sideboard and took a sip before locking eyes with the half drunken man again.

"It's not that I don't love him, I love him with all of my heart. I just wish that he could be more like his brother. More patient, more understanding, less likely to accidently bring home a one night stand whilst drunk." Roderich sighed and took a sip from his cup. _Had that happened_   _before?_   "We haven't told anyone but I did have a brief relationship with Ludwig. Feliciano doesn't know so we keep it on the down-low. But I guess I could tell you." Berwald was afraid that the man was talking far too much for his own good. _But that's what drunk people do, I guess_. "I loved him so much but I knew it could never last... Hell, because of many failed rebounds, half this room are exes of mine."

"How come?" Berwald was taken aback. The man seemed rather conservative in his manners and relationships but that is far from the case. By the sounds of it, most people aren't safe from the string of rebounds. _He seems so happy now though._

"Francis over there, he was my first. A startlingly passionate affair that was doomed from the beginning" Roderich pointed to the long haired man sitting in the corner. He was chatting with a not-so amused man with **huge** eyebrows. "He is a beautiful man, full of love, and I don't regret any of it. Next was Antonio, the naïve spaniard. He was wonderful, the sex was _great._ But that didn't last either. People get sick of me Berwald. I should be used to it by now." he looked into his cup, swirling the contents around before taking a large sip. "Gilbert is probably planning to leave me right now. Look at him."

Roderich absently pointed, with the tip of his cup, towards his boyfriend. He was still stood on the table- screaming his head off to a Rammstein song. His arm was wrapped around Matthais' tightly and he had Francis' scarf tied around his head. As much as this sight was amusing, it was destroying Roderich.

"See him. My boyfriend is off with my exes and a man far more attractive than I. It's always the way. You think that you have settled down with the man of your dreams and then someone better for them comes.along. The powers that be are a cruel force I suppose." he laughed bitterly but Berwald took these words to heart. What if they wished to tear Timo away from him? More importantly _how_ would they take him.

"Hey, is Rod bumming you out with his speech about loosing Gilbert?"a woman's voice came from in front. She had her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face.

"Erszi, how many times? Please do not say it like that. He might hear." Roderich hushed and gestured onto the bed. She shook her head and remained standing next to a seated Berwald, wrapping her arm around his shoulder.

"He won't, I promise." Erzsi laughed off, moving Berwald away from Roderich. "Now get some sleep." Once they were far enough away from Roderich, be she turned to look Berwald in the eyes. "Thing is, Gilbert heard that speech a month ago. He is trustworthy, even if he is an arsehole. Gilbert truly loves Roderich and will never leave him for anything."

"So it's all his head?" Berwald questioned, taking a drink of his beer. He laughed bitterly, how ironic. The world has been giving him the exact thoughts for his whole life but now he gets to see the other side of the thoughts- the actuality of the situation.

"Yeah. I've known Gilbert since we were probably 6 and he wouldn't make up lies about this. He is a twat but he is a good man deep down. And much more like his brother than Roderich realises." Erzsi spoke, smiling sweetly. "Oh god yeah, I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Erzsébet Hedevary."

"Oh, and I am Berwald Oxenstierna. Nice to meet you." He nodded, collecting a new type of drink from the table by the bathroom. _God knows what's going on in there..._

"Oh yeah, that's Francis. Ignore him" Erzsébet rolled her eyes and laughed, moving her head towards the door. Ungodly loud noises came from the small room but no one seemed to hear it. "Everyone else is"

"I'll try" he shot a glare to the bathroom door. _It's ok for you, you don't have to live in this room._ Shaking his head, he followed Erzsébet to the blonde woman from the train.

"Oh it's you." she spoke, looking him up and down. He felt the red creep into his cheeks again over this.

"Now Natalya, it could have been a mistake. Like anyone would purposefully read our texts." Erzsébet laughed, standing by the other woman. "They weren't even interesting. If he wanted interesting, he should have asked you to scroll up to last night", She winked, purposefully trying to embarrass both Berwald and Natalya. _It worked._

"Well, I must be going." Berwald spoke with a great speed.  Before he left, he heard the blonde woman speak- her voice sultry and low.

"You know you are so much like Gilbert. Absolutely vulgar. Not that I'm complaining"

.

The others filtered out, apart from the odd guest that had passed out on the floor, and now Berwald felt as though he could breathe again. His thoughts kept playing out the day. _I want someone who will counteract my loudness... the powers that be are cruel... someone stoic... Everyone leaves me Berwald._ His mind was swirling as it is- full of beer and spirits of various variety.

The beautiful Finn is his main focus at the moment. His smile and beautiful violet eyes. His insane wardrobe and stuffed dog toy. _I think I may be in love_...

"Hey Berwald." an unfamiliar voice came from the room. He opened his eyes to see a torch over his head. This caused him to violently swing forward and cover his eyes. A bespectacled male held the torch of his phone infront of him but promptly apologised and turned it off. "Can you come with me, I have something to talk to you about."

"Ok, I'll get my shoes." Berwald groaned. Much to his surprise, he was already wearing shoes. _Did I pass out?_

"Let's go then, there's a nice bit of grass near here." the man nodded. "My name is Eduard."

"How do you know my name?" Berwald spoke, still in a rather groggy voice. He had no idea where he was being led but it was somewhere outside of the dorms. "And where are we going?"

"I'm Timo's best friend and were going near the Starbucks." Eduard sighed, returning to silence. Before he could ask anything else, Eduard announced that Berwald and he were there.

They both sat on the grass and then Eduard spoke first. "So, what do you think of Timo?"

"Well" Berwald began, looking into the inky mass above them. It was peppered with stars, despite it being in the middle of a city. All of the lights were dead in this area and it made the late night sky exceptionally stunning. "I don't think that words could explain how much I think of him."

"Yeah" Eduard sighed, almost in agreement "Well, anyway. Please try, I need to know that you are serious."

"I've only met him today but I think he is the most important thing in my life. My world stopped when I met him, but it was also made. This is probably drunken babbling but I do. I am in love for the first time in my life."

"Well Berwald." Eduard began, pushing up his glasses "You break his heart and I will slit your throat"


	4. Wunjo (bonus content from Pertho)

Meaning: Joy

Timo's POV

The room spun around the man who had already made it onto his 6th shot and 3rd beer. He didn't know how and why this had happened but it happened in a short space of about half an hour. He was a lightweight but he was renowned for the speed of his drinking. He made apologies to the group that he had sat down with and  wobbled over to his old friends. He threw himself onto the floor in front of them. This was the first time that they had seen eachother since school in fact.

"Hey Timo, how's life? We haven't seen you in ages!" the bespectacled blond man spoke, grinning to his old primary school friend.

"Good, how's yours been?" Timo asked, unsure of what to actually ask them. Eduard was sat next to a sleeping Ravis, Feliks and Toris on the other side. Drinks were lay in the middle of their circle- most of them were vodka and cola. Ravis, on the other hand, was lay in a pile of empty cups.

"Brilliant. The college looks beautiful and their IT course is amazing!" Eduard gushed. He was always the tech guru of the group- fixing all of Timo's problems, which were quite frequent. "And you Feliks

"Been great. _Love_ the fashion course" he spoke in slurred speech, he had probably been smoking that Dutch guy's stash again.

"I have had a fun time thank you." Toris smiled, his voice was almost inaudible. "What has happened with you this week?"

"Well, I met someone today" he giggled, unsure of why his drunken mess of a brain thought that this was important information. _Berwald was only a friend, right?_ "And we went for coffee." This started them. Toris and his boyfriend squealed with delight, promptly asking for more details.

"Well.. Who is he?!" Feliks nodded eagerly, awaiting more details. "We need more than _someone_." This was probably the most clear statement he had made since Timo came here.

"His name is Berwald." Timo spoke with his hand over his mouth. Whether he was embarrassed or worried that the man would hear him, he didn't know. All he was sure of is the fact the wanted to talk about him- drunk or not.

"Berwald? Berwald Oxenstierna?!" Feliks exclaimed,  jumping up. He almost made the man next to him jump out of his skin. Ravis promptly punched him in the arm.

"Oi! Can't you see I was sleeping there?" the younger man cried, still wrapped around a half-pint of vodka and cola and a blanket.

"But this is _interesting_ _!_ since when has Timo had a crush? They grow up so fast!" Feliks nudged his boyfriend, who looked immensely uncomfortable. He looked over to Eduard, who was fit to explode. He has his fists in his lap and a look that could kill. Toris knew, Timo didn't.

"Hey Ed, are you ok?" Toris' shaking voice called over to his friend. He reached out to touch his shoulder but was swatted away by Feliks.

"He's _fine_ pro'lly jealous about Timo's new crush" Feliks waved a hand in Toris' face. This was most likely the answer and Timo felt ashamed. He didn't know why though- he didn't like people that quickly, this was a rule to life. Don't trust and don't get your heart broken.

"It's not a crush..." Timo's weak response rattled through the air. _More shame_. How could he say this, in spite of his own head?

"I need to go" Eduard announced, standing up as quick as his words has left his mouth. His fists were still clenched and he stormed out. Ravis walked out with him, a worried expression filled his face.

" _Shit_ , I got on his nerves, eh?" Feliks laughed and rested on Toris' shoulder.

"You get on most people's nerves sweetie. Eduard is no different." Toris smiled softly, stroking Feliks' hair.

Timo was left in his thoughts in silence, the thoughts were mainly of his day earlier. How kind Berwald was, he only spoke wonderful things and always when they were needed. He knew what to say to make Timo happy. He didn't smile much but it was amazing. _God, shut up Timo_.  The way the steam traced his face when he picked up his coffee. His strong, but not overbearing, hands.

"Hey, Timo?" Toris spoke in a hushed tone "while he is asleep." He moved his head in the direction of Feliks. He was passed out near Ravis, who was also asleep. Toris moved closer to Timo, this was due to the painfully loud music.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Timo asked, finishing off a drink that he had found next to Eduard's space. He had an idea of what he was going to ask. _Drunk not stupid._

"What do you actually think of Berwald." Toris asked honestly. Amidst the drunken mess, Toris had moments of startling clarity. He didn't drink much, but it still affected him.

"I don't know Toris. I've only known him for a day after all." Timo grinned absently. Toris looked down and Feliks and smiled somberly.

"Sometimes a day is all you need. Listen to your heart Timo, you have a good one."


	5. Isa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Ice, lack of change or emotion. Coldness and stagnation.

Hey, we have to get ready for our first day of college." Emil repeated around the room. He was probably up first because it was his actual first day. Although it was Berwald's, he knew that the novelty would soon wear off. He had been to college before in Sweden so this is technically his second year. He pried open his eyes and stared at the younger man who was looking up at him. _Was the conversation with that man a dream?_   He cannot remember how he got back here but he was fairly certain that that threat was not a figment of his drunken imagination.

"I'm up Emil, it's all good. You don't have to stare at me any longer." Berwald groaned before the small man continued his tirade of wake up calls.

"For fucks sake Emil, we're awake" the shirtless Dane swung up out of bed and flashed Emil with a horrible look. He then went immediately back to his usual self- disturbingly cheerful. _No one should be that excited to start college._ Next up was Lukas, who was nearly as dishevelled as Matthais.

"Don't talk to my brother like that, shithead." Lukas muttered, nudging Matthais. "Anyway, morning" his groggy voice spoke to no one in particular.

"Is Timo awake?" Matthias asked, looking warily to the bottom bunk. The Finn was engulfed in the thick blanket, a little groan escaped from his mouth. Emil paced slowly towards him and poked his arm. The groan grew louder and he rolled over.

"Please let me die" Timo complained, looking into Emil's eyes for dramatic effect. Emil rolled his eyes and dragged Timo out by the arm. "What are you doing!? I don't care about the introduction day" he continued his protests but no one was listening. Apart from Berwald. He felt the anger rise, but knew that he couldn't attack Emil. Matthais would've killed him otherwise.

"Come on, we need to get ready." Matthias spoke up, over the protests. "We'll use the bathroom in rotations."

.

Berwald sat in silence in his new tutor group- many of the room were equally silent. This was supposed to to be an introduction to the group but even the tutor fell silent.

"So, er, hello? I know first days are awkward but we need to know a little bit about eachother. Let's go around the room speaking of ourselves." the spritely woman smiled. Berwald could think of a million things better than speaking of himself. "I'll go first. My name is Jane and I am a mother of 4. I enjoy reading and painting on the weekend."

"Hi, I'm Théresè Sauvageau and play video games. I'm only here cause I want a degree and in something- what, I have no idea yet."

The monotonous drone of the class continued around Berwald, who didn't really care for listening to these things. They were only there for when the tutor has nothing planned to teach us anyway. He still couldn't get Timo out of his head; or the words that Timo had spoken to him.

"Hello, I see that you don't care about these either. My name is Gupta and talking in groups is the worst thing imaginable." the young man, who sat next to him, nodded and reached out his hand.

"Likewise. My name is Berwald by the way" he spoke, shaking Gupta's hand. "They only do stuff like this to occupy us."

"I feel that we may get along" a brief smile swept along the rather aloof man's face as he turned back to face the group. "My name is Gupta Muhammad Hassan. I write and play music, and paint." he spoke with an air of ease. It was as though he was the most important person in the room, but he knew it- he commanded these people.

"And I am the last" Berwald chuckled awkwardly, "My name is Berwald Oxenstierna and I learn new languages in my spare time." _other than that, you're boring Berwald._

"Well, now everyone knows eachother properly, it is time for a break. Meet me downstairs and I will take you to your next class, ok?" the woman smiled and let them go.

Berwald sauntered down the corridor with his new found friend. He was hoping that the others had come out of their tutorials at the same time and were going to be waiting in the cafeteria for him.

"Hey, Berwald was it? You seem distracted, is everything ok?" the dark haired man questioned, placing a hand on Berwald's shoulder.

"Yes, it's just been a rough couple of days- I think I'm also slightly hungover." Berwald smiled awkwardly before turning the corner to the stairs.

"That is where I do not envy you my friend. I have never had a hangover and I never plan to- I'll leave it to the professionals." Gupta nodded and continued to walk by his side.

"Ah, I'm guessing you do not drink?"

"No, never. My father brought me up to never even consider alcohol as a choice and I am eternally grateful."

"It changes people, makes them into more authentic versions of themselves. You can tell a lot about a person's brain by getting them drunk" Berwald smiled to himself, who knew that Roderich was so insecure?

"Well, then you may never know anything about me." Gupta winked and then turned to walk in the opposite direction "Farewell my friend, I hope to talk to you some more in psychology"

"Yes, and to you." Berwald debated Gupta's last statement.  
_What does he mean by never knowing about him?_

On his way to the cafeteria, he was accosted by the possibly insane Dane.

"Hey Ber! How was your first lesson?" Matthias bounded up to him and grinned wildly. Berwald widened his eyes and nodded once.

"Erm, as well as an induction can go?" he still didn't know how to handle Matthais at all. "And you? How was your first day?"

"Great! Turns out we're in the same lesson later, how cool is that!?" he grinned, leading Berwald into the cafeteria and to Lukas. The younger looking man was sat, cross legged, in a booth with a copy of _Paradise Lost_ on his lap and a writing pad on the table. He had headphones on and almost didn't see the rest of the group. _Does he ever read anything light hearted?_

"Hey, Lukas darling" Matthais cooed, wrapping his arms around the other man. Lukas rolled his eyes and took his headphones off.

"Oh, yeah. You're back here, how lovely" Lukas groaned, closing his book and looking around. "Hey Ber."

"Hi, do you know where Timo is?" Berwald asked. He should have been here a minute ago, his form is only on the bottom floor.

"I see. You'd rather be off with him than talking to boring old us. Fine, be that way." Matthais grinned, Lukas rolled his eyes again- this time Matthais saw. "And babe, please don't do that. If you roll them too much, they may fall out."

"Yeah, you're only afraid to roll your eyes because you will finally see how little of a brain you have." Lukas looked back up at Matthais, who was now clutching his chest in an act of false pain. "No I don't Ber, I'm sorry"

"My good sir, you wound me!" Matthais exclaimed as Berwald left the table. "Bye then Ber, hope you find him."

.  
Searching the building was useless, he was nowhere to be seen. The panic began to settle in Berwald's chest; he knew that he couldn't go to his next lesson until he had found Timo

 _It's probably something stupid, you're worrying yourself up over_ _nothing._

Before he could do anything else, Feliciano ran to him and waved wildly. "Hello!"

"Well, hello Feli" Berwald grumbled, not really knowing how to take the Italian. He had far worse things invading his head at the moment.

"What is happening, you look really serious? Not that you don't normally, you actually look like my Ludwig but with messier hair and glasses! Well, Luddy does wear glasses for reading but that isn't the same and- Hello!"

"I'm sorry but I have to go." Berwald mumbled. Although he wanted to get rid of the rambling man, he couldn't help but feel guilty in doing so.

"Are you lost? I get lost all the time! Or is someone else lost? Cause I am good at finding people; I'll help you Berwald" Feliciano beamed.

"Ok, please do." Berwald nodded and continued to walk towards the carpark. This was the only place that he could be- after checking his form room and the toilets 3 times each.

"Who is lost?" Feliciano asked innocently. He almost skipped alongside Berwald, much to the Swede's surprise.

"Timo, my friend." Berwald grimaced.  
_He is so much more than just a friend. To me, he is the world._

"Oh well, he did get on the wrong side of those ru-" Feliciano stopped suddenly, clasping his hand to his mouth. "I've said too much. I'm sorry. Ludwig always shouts at me for running my mouth."

"It's ok, don't worry." Berwald smiled absently, trying to ignore the significance of that statement. Before anyone could say anything else, a sobbing noise came from by the bins- a trail of blood led to the site.

"I have to go..." Feliciano trailed off before running in the opposite direction. Berwald continued, much to his horror.

Timo lay in a pool of his own blood, sobbing to himself and rocking back and forth. He was grasping at his arm- it was bent in an unnatural position. Berwald couldn't see his face as he was turned away.

"Timo? Who did this to you?" Berwald spoke slowly, trying to not frighten the man. Timo jumped and turned, revealing two black eyes and a cut lip.

"Please don't look at me..." Timo wept, closing his eyes and praying that Berwald would walk away. "Just leave me, everyone else has"

"No, I won't leave you. Who did this?" Berwald insisted, but drew back when Timo flinched at the tone of his voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Berwald crouched down, feeling the blood in his veins boil. How could anyone hurt a man like Timo?

"It was Ivan and the rest of his gang..." Timo broke off, jumping at the sound of his own voice. "Please don't say anything to them, please. They're really strong and scary"

"Look what they have done to you though. I will rip them apart- limb from limb." Berwald growled "We just need to get you to a hospital, I'll phone Matt to help me take you."

"Please don't get yourself hurt, it was my fault anyway" Timo pleaded, wincing at his pain.

"You have my word, Timo, they will pay for what they have done to you." Berwald nodded once, picking Timo up with relative ease.

_Those bastards won't hurt anyone ever again when I am through with them._


	6. Halagaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of violence and strong language warning!!

Meaning: Disruption, natural disaster

Berwald's POV

He watched as the ambulance left with Matthais and Timo in the back. Although he wished to feel something else, his anger overwhelmed the panic. How could anyone attack someone like Timo? He is the only one here undeserving of that beating. Matthais waved awkwardly from the window in the back but Berwald couldn't bring himself to move. He felt sick.

'It was my fault, don't get hurt Berwald.' In his most pained moment, he was thinking of me? How? A wretch like me doesn't deserve the even the dirt he walks on.

They couldn't have gotten far; by Berwald's calculations, they were probably on the other side of the carpark by now. Those bastards will be left in the same state as Timo- if not worse. Berwald couldn't stop the anger rising in his chest; nor could he stop his shaking. He was hard to anger but these bastards have crossed the line. He began to walk through the building, to find a rather shocked crowd of people gather around him.

"What has happened!?" Eduard cried in a frenzy "Matt ran through here screaming about Timo?" He was almost in tears but Berwald couldn't care less- he had a group of people to attend to.

"Please let me go" Berwald spoke through gritted teeth.

"I'm coming with you, ok?" Eduard called after the furious man, running to his side. "I'm sorry, but I need to get answers"

"And so do I, where do you think I am going?" Berwald let the venom spew from his words. If he weren't in such an angered state, he would have answered the man politely. Unfortunately, Eduard-or being polite for that matter- were low on his list of important things.

"Who was it?" Eduard asked, still trying to keep up with Berwald's large strides. Maybe this could actually help.

"Someone called Ivan, I'm not too sure of his last name." Eduard let out a horrified gasp.

"You mean Braginski was behind this?" he spoke, still utterly terrified of that name. Where had he heard that before? Many talk of that name but not in a good way; I mean he wasn't invited to Matthais' party and that crazy bastard gets on with everyone.

"Yeah, I'm assuming. Unless there is another bastard named Ivan around here." Berwald shot an annoyed glance back at the small Estonian. He then sighed lightly "I'm sorry Ed, I'm just not in a good mood at the moment."

"It's ok! I understand." Eduard said no more and Berwald was grateful of it. Ed wasn't one that Berwald could see himself hating, not to mention the fact that he is Timo's best friend, and he wants to keep things civil. The anger in the pit of his stomach made it almost impossible for him to answer properly; it was better if nothing was said at all then.

"Oh, Berwald. My promise still stands. If you break his heart, or so much as harm a hair on his head for that matter, I won't hesitate to kill you." Eduard added, meaning every word. "I-"

Berwald cut off Eduard as they reacted a group of young men. The Estonian saw Braginski and squeaked in fear; he was seriously considering running in the opposite direction. 

"Is that him?" Berwald almost snarled to a frozen Eduard, all he did was squeak a small 'yes'

The Russian was stood tall, his hands crossed behind his back and an imposing smirk lay upon his face. His gaze fell down at Berwald from his reddening, aqualine nose. He was wearing a black suit and a rather oddly placed pastel pink scarf.

"What do you want?" he spat through a thick accent. "Are you more of my father's clients?" The man's nonchalance infuriated Berwald to no end; he simply had to bite his tongue in order to keep him from saying something that he would regret.

"I have no idea who your father is." Berwald spat, unintentionally making Eduard jump further. "And my business is with you and this pathetic gang."

"You do not know who my father is? This foreigner must have money then." Ivan turned to look at his gang with an amused smirk before looking back to Berwald. They all laughed at this, proof that he all of them under a spell of sorts. "All the foreign kids are in debt with my father but you are the smart one."

"You're disgusting" Berwald snarled, raising his lip in anger. "There is a special place in hell for people like you"

"Oh, did I hurt someone dear to you?" Ivan cooed sarcastically. "Must've been a shame if someone like you thinks he can take on my whole gang"

"Yes you did" Berwald tried to make that sound as filled with anger as possible but he just sounded vulnerable and in pain. He moved closer to Ivan; although his words seemingly carried no anger, every fibre of his being did.

"Ah, was it the Finn? Pretty boy he is, it's a shame I'm with someone or I would-" Ivan's leering was cut off by Berwald's fist. He couldn't stop after one; he landed another and another- managing to get the massive Russian to the floor. It only took 10 punches and a stamp on his stomach to put him out for a small while.

"You are a bastard!" he bawled before the gang made their way into the 'fight'.

The larger of the 3 men grabbed Berwald by the arms and the other two took turns to punch him in the stomach. He endured this agony for a few punches- kicking back when the time was right. The smallest was on the floor next to Ivan; he was holding a knife. Berwald hesitated but then knew what he was to do. He grabbed the knife and stabbed, twisting it into the man's leg. Just enough to break the skin. He spun around to meet the other two men- they had also pulled out knives.

"K'mon then big guy. Dance for your pretty boy." the dark haired man jeered, swinging his knife around as much as possible. Whilst distracted, the other man had made his way to Berwald's back. He kicked him swiftly in the back, sending the Swede to the floor. Berwald let out a yelp of pain before the two men began kicking him again. First in the stomach, then in the head. Again, he endured this until he saw his escape. The darker haired man stopped; he knelt down to spit in Berwald's face. He drew back in disgust as the saliva landed near his eyes- then he stabbed the man in the back of the hand.

A blood curdling scream came from the man as he drew back and ran. Only one left now. He wiped the spit from his face and stood up.

"You think you're gonna have an easier time cause it's only me? Oh what a misconception. Sorry kid bu-" Berwald stopped him with a swift kick to the shins. The man fell to the floor on his side, Berwald looming over him. 

"When you want to do something, don't talk about it" Berwald muttered before stamping on the man's knee. A snapping noise came from the man and his scream was cut short. "Just do it in future"

He sauntered over to a still indisposed Ivan, who was lay on the floor after a few punches.  
"I'm guessing you have your goons do all the work when it comes to people your size. Pathetic. Now go and collect them" Berwald spat in Ivan's face before walking away with the knife.

Eduard was still stood in the area, a shaking mess. Unfortunately for his nerves, Berwald was also still carrying the knife.   
"Hey, I'm sorry I threatened you, I didn't mean to! I'm just looking after my friend and I would never be able to hurt my friend's friend!" Eduard rambled, his hands waving in the air. Berwald just dropped his knife and hugged Eduard. 

"I'm sorry that I scared you." he spoke- this being just to get Eduard to shut up. He hated affection, unless from certain people; thankfully, Eduard doesn't know this.

"I...it's ok!" he spoke, almost grateful of the man's changes. "Hey, don't worry about this mess. As long as you take the knife, no one will know it was you. No one in this college would ever take their sides and they get into fights like this often." Eduard nodded, pushing his glasses up nervously and breaking away from the hug.

"This knife is mine now" Berwald shrugged, picking it up and examining it. It was a switchblade fashioned out of a metal, Chinese-style dragon. The very end of the tail was the lever to the blade. "I like it."

"Do you want to go see Timo, he's been asking about you" Eduard spoke, looking to the floor. No matter who this came from, it still took Berwald by surprise.

"Er...y..yes"

.

"What the hell have I done Eduard? I could have killed that man." Berwald looked to the floor in dismay. "I don't want to get angry but I do. It's part of me and it shouldn't be." Berwald screwed his face up and felt like crying.

"You did what you needed to Ber; you have done the entire college a favour. Now those crones won't be active for a few weeks, we can all have some times to ourselves." Eduard smiled "I think I understand you Berwald. Your love for Timo is pure, and I respect that. Just be careful with him and yourself ok?" 

"I could never hurt him. I would actually kill myself before hurting him, please never forget that." Berwald spoke, meaning every word, before walking into the hospital.

"Hello, we are on our way to see Timo Väinämöinen." Eduard announced to the nurse at the desk. She tapped away at her computer with a smile and then turned back to them.

"He's in the A and E block, I'll phone someone down to take you to him if you want honey." the lady in her mid thirties spoke. Her thick Californian accent was the only thing Berwald could note about her; apart from the excessive smiling. The only think that differentiates the Americans from the British, I suppose. 

"My colleague, Natalie, will be down soon. She works in the ward and was Timo's doctor today. He had such a nasty attack, right?" Berwald blocked the conversation out in panic. It was as though his world had been obliterated around him. 

The ringing in his ears grew louder and louder- he then crashed to the floor.

*

"Hey Ber?" a familiar voice brought Berwald back to consciousness. He peeled open his eyes to see Timo smiling sweetly over him. Timo is over me? Berwald looked around in confusion, to see himself lay on a bed.

"What happened?" Berwald groaned, trying to focus on Timo's beautiful face. It was corrupted by stitched and dressings though. Even like that, he is still beautiful.

"You passed out in the reception. Berwald are you ok? You worried me! Eduard took your things to the waiting room, I don't know why but I didn't ask. Oh Berwald, what happened to you?"

"I beat them up.." he strained, holding his stomach. The pain was searing through his stomach and into his back. "They won't bother you any more Timo."

"Oh Berwald." Timo exclaimed softly. "You have hurt yourself for me?" His soft face smiled gently as he caressed Berwald's face. 

"I would do it all again if I had to" Berwald spoke, closing his eyes for a moment. 

"They have patched up your wounds, you were quite beaten up!" Timo informed Berwald, concern filling his seemingly steady voice.

"Trust me, they received worse." Berwald nodded firmly, ignoring the pain in his face. He hadn't realised when he walked into the hospital but he had a mass of bruises and small cuts to the face.

"Get some rest now, ok? Matthais and Eduard will take us back to the dorm tomorrow- I promise." Timo kissed Berwald's hair, the Swede felt as though all of his pain had gone. All he needed was here and the man just kissed him. Even if it was only platonic, it meant the world to him.

"Where will you go?" Berwald managed to choke out.

"I'll be waiting here for you, now get some sleep ok?"


	7. Eihwaz

Meaning: Archers bow, protection and prevention

Berwald's POV

He woke up fairly early, still nursing sore wounds. Looking around, he noticed that Timo didn't go home after all. The small male had pressed two of the cushioned chairs together and was lay across them- he had also coaxed a pillow out of one of the passing nurses. Seeing him curled up made Berwald's heart swell. _He's so peaceful._

"Heyo Ber" Eduard spoke softly from the other corner of the room "Thought you weren't going to wake up" He laughed almost silently and then nodded with a smile. "It's good to see you ok."

"And you. I'm sorry that this all happened, you must have been so worried."

"I was but it's ok. You are better and were in good hands. Timo refused to leave your side- even went as far as protesting with the guards who tried to remove him. And the nurses are good too."

"I can't believe this" Berwald muttered. On the outside, he was characteristically straight faced; on the inside, he was grinning like a young schoolgirl. "You're all too good to me"

"Nah, you practically freed the college of that bastard." Eduard grinned, finally accepting of Berwald's existence.

"Hey, Ed, language please. You're supposed to be the one who doesn't swear." Timo's soft voice came from the corner. Berwald and Eduard shot their glances over to Timo; who batted his eyelids and smiled gently. "You are like cat and dog, but like cats and dogs that like eachother."

"Oh thank god. Good morning Timo" Berwald nodded; wanting to sweep Timo up in his arms and kiss him until his wounds are healed. To hell with the guilt of loving another, Berwald knew that he would die for Timo. He would go to hell and back for this sweet man.

"Morning, how are you doing today?" Timo asked, standing up on wobbly legs and walking to Berwald's side. "You look better already."

"I'm fine, just a few bruises. How are you, that's the main question." Berwald reached out to catch the man's left hand- and his right was in a cast- and examined it. Bruises lined his knuckles and the back of his hands, something that pained Berwald immensely.

"I'm fine, just a fractured arm and some cuts and some bruises. I'll live." Timo smiled humbly then shrugged. "It's what I have to pay I suppose."

"But Timo, you don't." Berwald stated, crossing his arms over the uncomfortable bedding. "Come on, what actually happened?"

"I'll tell you later. Oh, by the way, would you like to come to dinner later?" Timo asked, clearly trying tp divert the conversation. He shifted on the spot and, with his incredibly bruised hand, messed with his sling.

"Of course Timo, but don't try to distract me like that" Berwald chuckled, lowering his gaze into the bed.

"Hate to break the lovebirds up but the nurse will be coming in soon." Eduard informed them, embarrassing them in the process. Berwald shot him a look that could kill whilst Timo just looked to the floor red-faced. As if on cue, the nurse from yesterday walked through the door.

"Well it seems as though you are better Mr Oxenst...O"

"Berwald" he smiled gratuitously. She may not be able to pronounce his name but she has done an amazing job with bandaging him up.

"You seem better already Berwald. We kept you here because you had fainted; all of our tests came back normal and you did wake up to eat during the night." she smiled around the room "So I will be discharging you as soon as you are ready, ok? Same as you Timo."

"I'll go phone Matthias then." Timo nodded vigorously to the nurse and then to Berwald and then to Eduard. Both he and the nurse walked out together; Timo with phone in hand.

"I'm sorry if that comment struck a nerve Ber, I was only kidding you know?" Eduard laughed nervously.

"No, it's ok Ed. I am just sick of those jokes from Matthias- you weren't to know."

"Well, prepare for an increase of them. He knows why you beat up Ivan; and who for, may I add."

"That is a little price I have to pay- same as my injuries." Berwald nodded. He pretended that they were minor but the pain felt as though it was going to collapse his lungs within the ribs.

"You're so noble, but never let that stand in your way of healing. Get yourself better before performing any other noble deeds. From what Natalie told me, you broke a rib!"

"Well that would explain why my chest feels like it's caving in." Berwald chuckled. "It isn't that bad, I'll get out of here alive at least."

"You had better keep yourself out of trouble, ok?" Eduard spoke firmly. He opened his mouth as if to say something again, but Timo and Matthias entered the room.

"Heyo buddy! You ok now? _Shit_ you took a beating!" Matthias shot out in one breath. Berwald just looked at him vacantly, not fully registering what the crazed Dane was saying.  
"Sorry, that was a little fast eh?" he spoke again, grinning wildly "How are ya?"

"I'm fine, I just want to get out of here now." Berwald began, standing up. He slipped and winced, the pain in his ribs seered through his entire body. Matthias ran to his side and picked him up- Timo and Eduard also rushed to his side.

"You sure you're ok?" Timo inquired, looking up at Berwald with such a heavy concern. "We can wait with you another day if you want?"

"No, I'm fine. I'd rather get out of here." Berwald groaned. Hospitals were bad news, at least in his family.

"Oh, shit yeah. I forgot to mention; I told Jane and your other teachers that you were in hospital. They told you to take a few days off ok? Don't worry, I've got you covered for the next three days." Matthias told Berwald, before wrapping Berwald's arm around his shoulder. "We'll get you back now, and then you can do what you want."

They all walked out to Matthias' car in silence. Berwald could feel the pain thrumming into his chest, along with his heartbeat. _I could do it again if it meant keeping Timo safe_. He was then helped into the back of the car; Timo sitting next to him and Eduard in the passenger seat.

"You know you didn't have to hurt yourself for me." Timo looked into Berwald's eyes somberly. "You could have just called the police."

"Unfortunately, people like that don't care about being picked up by the police Timo. He needed a lesson." Berwald spoke as though he didn't regret nearly killing one of them and breaking the other's legs. "Don't worry, they won't harm you any more."

"I don't know how to thank you, honestly." Timo smiled placing his hand on top of Berwald's. In that moment, Berwald could have sworn that his heart stopped momentarily. His face filled with heat at this small action.

"It..It's ok, truly. You don't- don't have to thank m.me" Berwald tried to keep a calm head but it was as though the wind has been knocked out of him.

"No, it's only right that I treat you. My friend Francis works at a restaurant on his days off, he should be there today; I'll take you there." he smiled, rubbing Berwald's knuckles with his thumb. "Let's get you back first."

"Timo, you're far more hurt than me and you are taking care of me? You don't have to you know?"

"Hey, the Finn is stronger than he looks" Matthias leant over to look at Berwald with a grin. Eduard promptly slapped him and pointed at the road.

"Look where you're going, you'll probably get us killed." he cried.

"Nah, I know what I'm doing mate. I've been driving way longer than you Mr 'I've just started my test'"

"Anyway, it is because I'm used to it." He looked somberly to the floor. "Don't worry about me, I always pull through ok?"

.

They all managed to get back to the dorm, almost in one piece. Matthias and Lukas went to lesson together and Timo went to get supplies from the shop with Eduard.

 _Matthias must be the worst driver I have ever met._ Berwald sat down on Emil's bed- getting onto his own may be an issue for a while so Emil volunteered to use the top bunk for now.  He sat his bag in front of him on the bed and began searching for his phone. _That knife..._

"So, what did you actually do to them? Ed told me you stabbed two of em" Emil asked, taking out an ear bud for once.

He looked around the room, mainly to prove that Timo wasn't there first. "Y..yeah, I still have th' knife too." Berwald nodded forcefully, pulling the blood stained knife out of his bag. Even when covered in blood, it was still as beautifully decorated as before. "Could I have some kitchen roll please?"

"Sure." Emil spoke, jumping from the top bunk and making his way over to their wardrobe mixed with a cupboard. He retrieved a whole roll of it and threw it to Berwald; who took great care in catching it. Emil then sat on the bed next to Berwald and watched him clean the knife. "Beautiful little thing"

"Yeah, that's why I kept it. It's not like crooks are going to get the police on me; it wouldn't have mattered if I left it or not. But it was pretty."

"Can I hold it?" Emil questioned, watching Berwald wipe every part of the ornately decorated blade. "It's a luck dragon eh? Not so lucky for the owner of it.

"I's something that you can pass to children when they're old 'nough" Berwald muttered, slipping into his more awkward way of speaking. He couldn't help but to feel uneasy around Emil, he was virtually a stranger- and related to the sociopath. "And yeah, 'll just finish cleanin' it"

"How come you beat them up. Far as I know, you don't need money" Emil pried further into the matter. Berwald let out a huff and then passed the now cleaned knife to Emil.

"They hurt Timo, I couldn't let that stand." Berwald thought that it would be better to tell him the truth than lie.

"You love him?" Emil asked, absently flicking the knife open and shut.

"Funnily enough, you aren't the first to ask me that." Berwald sighed. _What was that about being honest?_ "Yeah I do. I really love him and want to see no harm come to him. I would, and I swear to this, let myself get hurt far quicker than I'd let him."

"Maybe you should tell him." Emil mumbled, trying knife tricks that he had picked up from years of living with his uncle.

"But how do I tell him, when do I know it's a good time? If I'm honest, this is the first time I've ever fallen in love and I don't know how to handle it. My other relationships were easy, because I didn't love them as strongly as this." Berwald nodded once and chucked silently "I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this."

"People usually do, maybe I have an affect on them. But, seriously, there is no right time to tell someone you love them- because all times are right. Even if he doesn't like you back- and I'm using the 'if' loosely- it's still nice to be told that you are loved." Emil looked almost sad at his own comment.

"Has anyone ever told you that, out of the blue I mean?" Berwald asked, pushing onto the man's emotions.

"No one has ever said it to me, I suppose. It's nice to hear, even if it isn't that often though" Emil looked at Berwald with a sad smile. "Don't worry about me though"

"I'm sorry.."

"Nah, don't be sorry. It's my own fault for being a prickly little bastard; as my father called me." Emil laughed bitterly. "If I'd have been a better person, more people would have liked me, eh dad?" Emil was trying to fight back  the tears but they came storming down his cheeks. Berwald, out of nowhere, hugged the man.

_Being associated to Timo has really changed me. Giving out more hugs than humanly possible._

"I'm sorry I asked and, for the record, you aren't prickly at all. Your brother, on the other hand."

"You know I'm still holding the knife Ber?" Emil mumbled into the Swede's shoulder. _Come to mention it..._

"Sorry, I just thought you needed that. Now I'm not a hugger but that was an exception."

Before anything else was said, the door clicked open. Behind it stood Timo and Eduard with bags and bottles surrounding them.

"Are you ok?" Berwald questioned, jumping up to take some of the bags from the two men. Emil popped the ear bud back in his ear and then took some bags too.

"Yeah, we just didn't anticipate to get this much alcohol." Eduard laughed, placing some of the bags on Lukas' and  Matthias' bed. "I'll probably have to take some of them back to my room- we were smart enough to bring a larger mini-fridge."

"Yeah, Matthias shouldn't be left in charge of buying appliances" Timo laughed, pointing to the tiniest mini-fridge in the world. It could barely fit a full 500 ml can in it- let alone 6 bottles of vodka, a ten pack of beer, 2 bottles of Rosé, and a bottle of whiskey.

"When I get my first paycheck, I'll get us a new one. Oh yeah, don't tell big brother dear but I have a job now." Emil spoke as he tried to jam some of the small cans into the fridge.

"Just don't let that Pole drink my vodka ok? This shit is special." Timo warned Eduard, wagging his finger in Eduard's face, then pointing to the bag of vodka.

"Oh shit, you two have a date to go on, don't you?" Eduard raised an eyebrow to Berwald. "Get ready and go, we'll be fine until Lukas and Matt come back."

"You better not be diverting the topic so that you can claim no knowledge of this pact." Timo carried on with his rant.  
.

Berwald had chosen a solid clothing ensemble- black jeans, a white collared shirt, and a grey blazer. He didn't want to break out a full suit at the moment but wanted to look halfway decent for Timo. He then breathed out awkwardly, trying to not harm his ribs as much as possible, and then walked back into their main room.

"Berwald, you're ready! The other one isn't" Emil rolled his eyes with a smile, gesturing towards the bathroom door. Because of the issues with room, Berwald had to get changed in Eduard's bathroom. Whilst waiting, Berwald took his time to send a text.

**Hey Roderich, this is super out of the blue but would you like to meet up tomorrow? I have a day off because of an accident, if you can't make it that's fine.**

**Message me when you can but I probably won't be on for a while.**

Berwald left his phone for a few seconds and then a reply came through. Timo was still getting changed so Berwald took his time to look at the message.

**Well hello Berwald. I'm more than happy to take your request on, but I have a lesson in the morning. If you could wait for me, I'll go with you for that coffee. I need to get out anyway, being with Gilbert 24/7 kills a man- even if said man loves him dearly. I'll meet you there.**

Berwald put his phone down as he heard the gasping of the others in the room. Timo had exited the bathroom in a full, black, three-piece suit. He could feel his heart give way; Timo was even more handsome like this. He had his, otherwise unruly, hair slicked back. Berwald immediately felt underdressed.

"You look magical!" Eduard gasped. Although Berwald tried to get along with Eduard more, comments like that angered him still. However, as soon as he looked back to Timo, the only emotion he could feel was endearment.

"Well then, are you ready?" Timo winked at Berwald and his face turned bright red. He looked everywhere apart from in Timo's eyes, and nodded.

"I am underdressed though" Berwald mumbled before leaving the room with Timo. "Also, is your friend working tonight?" he spoke slightly louder that time.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, it's Francis' night tonight." Timo nodded "Also, do you like my hair? Emil did it for me!"

"You look stunning." Berwald whispered to him, making Timo giggle. "No, I really mean it "

"Thank you Ber." Timo responded with a content smile on his face. His hand wandered into Berwald's, making the Swede freeze on the spot. "Oh, is this too much? I can stop" Timo asked,  genuinely scared of upsetting Berwald.

"No it's ok, I promise. It just shocked me." Berwald explained in his usual awkward fashion. Timo hummed to himself and placed his hand back into Berwald's.

They turned the corner to be greeted with a restaurant that looked out of place in Birmingham. It was quaint and warm- with a golden light emitting from the grey din. It looked as though it had been plucked from a fairytale.

"Here we are, this is Francis' family restaurant and pastry shop." Timo grinned, looking at the tiny building with frosted windows. "Let's see who is working too today!"

They both stepped inside and it was no different. Mahogany floors and red wallpapered walls; these were covered in many paintings of Parisian landmarks. The bar along the back wall was of dark wood and red embellishments. Francis saw them and jumped to attention.

"Oh Mon Cher! How are you?" he spoke before pulling Timo into a hearty hug and then kissed his cheek.

"Francis, my arm" Timo squeaked in pain, trying to pull away from Francis.

"Oh my god! Please forgive me Timo, I didn't notice. My obliviousness will be my downfall!" Francis exclaimed before turning to the Swede "And this must be... Berwald? Oh my, you've really outdone yourself with this one cher, he's gorgeous!"

Berwald nodded politely but didn't speak. The fact that this man called him gorgeous and the knowledge of his wounds caused him to grow ever more insecure. Plus, being in the presence of Timo. And the fact that he knew of Roderich's past with the man- not forgetting Francis' present with the scowling British man, how could he forget the uncomfortable noises coming from his bathroom.

"Hello, you're Francis I assume." Berwald spoke bluntly, overwhelmed by the rushing memories. He wanted to be polite to the man- another of Timo's friends after all- but he could only think of these negatives.

"Well, you are the only ones here at the moment. One of the shames about being so far away from the main high street. Pick your table, I'll be around with your menus and Feliciano in a moment. I'm sure he would like to see you two."

They both found a seat and sat opposite to eachother. Timo's hair, clearly not done by someone who knows how, fell out of the hairspray and flopped back onto his face. He chuckled and moved some to behind his ear, locking eyes with Berwald.

"Have I told you that you look wonderful?" Berwald laughed gently, not taking his eyes from the man. He couldn't stop the heat from pooling into his cheeks whilst watching the mesmerising man. Timo then winked at him, a devilish smile creeping into his face. He opened his mouth, trying to say something else, but they were greeted by two others and a cacophony of noise.

"Timo! Are you ok? What happened to your arm?" Feliciano ran towards the table and spoke loudly.

"Oh it's nothing. Berwald here is my hero, he kicked Ivan's arse!" Timo spoke joyfully, ignoring his own wounds. Berwald felt the panic and embarrassment creep back into him.

"Oh, what a valiant knight! Any.... friend? Of Timo's is a friend of mine! Plus, you were really nice to me on the first day!" Feliciano beamed. He hugged Berwald tightly; to which he let out a loud grunt of pain. Feliciano didn't notice this though and continued to hug Berwald.

"Feli, he broke his ribs" Timo spoke in a low tone. The Italian jumped up and flew straight into apologies.

"Oh Mio Dio! I am so sorry Berwald. Why didn't you say?" Feliciano almost cried "I'll get back to the kitchen, I'm useless!"

"He's rather dramatic." Francis rolled his eyes with a smile "But I am sorry for your ribs and your other injuries. Now what would you like?" Francis spoke, presenting them with white leather backed menus.

"I'll have the Carbonara, Feli makes the best one known to man." Timo began, looking over to Berwald. "Oh and a bottle of Rosé"

"I will have the same, but do you do a vegetarian option?" Berwald asked quietly, looking to Francis for reassurance.

"Yes, mon cher. It's made of soya, you aren't allergic are you?" Francis nodded with a bright smile, moving his hair from his eyes before writing their orders down.

"I'm not, thank you" He was even more grateful, many places in Jokkmokk didn't have options like that. He usually ate at home whilst his family were out to dinner.

"I will get your order done right away. Enjoy your time with us" Francis smiled and walked away.

.

"So, first of all, thank you so much" Timo broke the silence, placing his hand on top of Berwald's. This caused the Swede to shoot his gaze up and meet Timo's, who smiled sincerely to him.

"No...it's ok. I would have- have done it all again, if I. If I had to" Berwald hated being flustered, but Timo was so radiant and pure. "But could you tell me why Ivan did that to you. Get the horrible part of the conversation out of the way"

Timo sighed and retracted his hand, Francis brought them the bottle of wine during the period of silence and then sauntered off into the kitchen.

"I lied when I told you that I came directly form Finland. My stepfather was kicked out of the house, as was I, because he couldn't work. My mother didn't want him in the house anymore because he had damaged his legs permanently and was in a wheelchair." Timo paused, screwing up his face and trying to hold his tears in.

"It's ok.." Berwald trailed off, placing his hand on Timo's arm. "You don't have to talk about it it you do not want to"

"No, you risked your life for me without an explanation- so here is your explanation." Timo nodded, briefly stroking Berwald's hand.

"And as I said, I would do it all over again. Without explanation" Berwald attempted to reassure Timo.

"I promised though. Anyway, my father came to England so that we could get a new start. I was only 10, so I couldn't really go to work myself. He was desperate for money but couldn't go out to work- so he consulted a loan shark. This loan shark was Ivan's father. He beat my father when he didn't get paid and then made him sign a contract." Timo paused again, as Francis came to their table.

"One chicken Carbonara, and one soya Carbonara! Enjoy your meal my friends" With that, Francis disappeared outside.

"I'll just finish this story and then we can eat ok?" Timo asked and Berwald nodded "Well, my father can barely speak English so he signed it without knowing what it said. Basically, as soon as I turned 17, the debt became my responsibility too. Every time Ivan sees me, he either hits me or full beats me up. This week marked a month late with a payment- Ivan got really mad."

"I'm so sorry Timo, that is horrible! How much debt is it by the way? Maybe I can help you."

"No, please don't help. You have already done so much." Timo looked to the table in distress "If you want to know, it's £19,000 of debt."

Their corner went silent as Timo looked to the Carbonara only. He was panic eating and Berwald could clearly see this. However, he took this opportunity to eat some of the meal himself. _Timo was right, this is the best Carbonara I have ever tasted._ It was heavy with garlic and cheese, both of these blending perfectly with the pasta and soya pieces.

"I didn't mean to upset you by asking. I'm so sorry" Berwald mumbled, trying to get the small man's attention.

"It's ok" Timo mumbled, still with some food in his mouth "Again, you weren't to know."

"So is there anything you need to talk about or do you just want to divert the conversation fully?" Berwald asked, trying to revive their dead corner. "I'll pour you some wine too."

"Can we change the subject? And thank you. You're so considerate" Timo began, smiling into his dish by the end of it.

"No it's ok, we're out here to have fun and I don't want to upset you." Berwald patted Timo's shoulder. _You're really getting used to this, aren't you Berwald?_

"How was college? Well, the bit you went to?" Timo questioned, waving his fork in time to his words.

"Well, it was as dull as an introductory day can be. Jane was the only one talking and she made us go around in a circle, talking about ourselves. I hate that so much" Berwald smiled softly, pushing up his glasses and looking into the carbonara. "How about yours?"

"Well, it was pretty much the same- apart from no one spoke at all." Timo stopped to stifle a chuckle "And I hate those talks too! I always end up forgetting what to say and then  panicking. My old school knew the most random stuff about me"

"Yeah, I understand. And what kind of stuff?" Berwald inquired, genuinely interested in how random this man actually is.

"Well, I lived with my grandparents for a while and my grandpa owned a farm. My only siblings for a while were chickens!" Timo exclaimed, reaching for the wine.

"That is genuinely sweet." Berwald mumbled, taking a drink of his own wine.

"And they were all named! There was Alpertti, Aada, Erik, Jukka, Lena, and Klara. And he had a goose; scary little thing, but we were never broken into." Timo laughed, as though he had forgotten the first hour of their stay. "Have you gotten any stories like that?"

"Well, I have a tonne of siblings." Berwald sighed, remembering his loud house. "My eldest brother Åke was the one. He was absolutely insane; always drinking and partying. He once got locked outside of our house by my mother, she didn't approve of him staying out late, and we found him asleep on the roof in the morning. Not to mention with a thick layer of snow covering him."

"Really?!" Timo exclaimed, almost jumping in his seat. "And he just stayed there, with snow all over him?"

"Yeah, he was crazy. Then again, my older sister wasn't much better. Fredericka used to do pub crawls with Åke, coming out exceptionally drunk. Come to think of it, that is actually how she came out to my mother. She got incredibly drunk on pontikka, her friend had recently made a trip to Finland, and shouted 'mom, I'm gay' very loudly into the house."

"Oh my gosh, how did your mom take it?" Timo asked, genuine shock filling his voice.

"She was fine with it. Most of us are of some non-straight origin anyway. Fredericka was just the first to tell her" Berwald chuckled. "She has just accepted that she probably won't have grandkids"

"Would you like children?" Timo asked out of the blue. It took Berwald by surprise but most things Timo says has that effect.

"Well, eventually yes. But I want to travel first, have some me time. Or with another person of course" Berwald let the last bit slip, unknowingly. "How about you?"

"I would adore kids. But then again, that would tie into my stable family life back wherever I decide to live." Timo grinned, before finishing his glass of wine. "Are you finished, because there is somewhere I would like to go."

"Yes, let me just finish my glass, and we'll take the bottle to this place."

They both stood up and took their plates to the counter. Unbeknownst to them, the restaurant had filled up around them. Francis was stood easily against the bar and he smiled to them.

"I ensure that you enjoyed your meal?" he asked, his heavily accented voice played along the air.

"Yes thank you Francis." Timo nodded, handing the dish to him- Berwald followed. "We'll be taking the wine with us ok? And how much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house for my favourite little friend, and his handsome friend." Francis winked at Berwald. "I hope you have fun tonight dears, do not get too drunk"

.

They wandered their way to the grass outside of the other colleges in the area. Immense steps stood in front of them; behind them stood a quaint pub and some water lights.

"Here we are. It's not much but it's away from people. I would have taken you to the secret garden but that is closed now." Timo told him as they both sat down. The sun was just beginning to set around them; the sky filling with beautiful shades of red and orange.

"It's beautiful though." Berwald had found out a vital truth over these few days. He couldn't care where he was stuck, as long as he was with Timo.

"Thank you. This is where I go to think, it's not really a good spot for that though. In the day, it's full of students from the colleges behind us. The art students are the worst, they range from secondary school children and up."

"Ah, that's unusual and pretty unfortunate" Berwald laughed, taking a sip from the bottle and offering it to Timo.

"Yes, they're so noisy but I don't really mind. I mean, look at the party at Matthais' the other day." Timo took the bottle and drank "We're all the same if you think about it."

"You're so observant" Berwald bluntly spoke, not really understanding why he said it. "You see the world in an unusual way and it fascinates me."

"What do you mean?" Timo turned to Berwald with confusion in his eyes.

"You talk about people as though no one has faults. You give the benefit of the doubt to everyone."

"Is that a bad thing?" Timo asked another question, leaning into Berwald for warmth. Warmth, that's the excuse his brain gives him anyway.

"No, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard of. You're sweet to everyone you meet and more people should be like that"

"You know something Berwald?" Timo began, waiting for a response. Berwald hummed but said nothing; he was far too absorbed in the moment. "You are the first person who has ever said that I'm beautiful, or that my mind is, and I treasure that"

They sat in silence for a moment, immersed in each other's company. The sky was filling with stars and the moon looked as though it was directly above them. Berwald wrapped his hoodie around Timo's back, noticing that the smaller man was shivering.

"And you know something else?" Timo broke their silence "You are the most noble person I have ever met. Thank you for helping me yesterday."


	8. Ur

Meaning: Physical or mental strength, health, male spiritual strength.

Berwald's POV

Thankfully, Matthias had asked Berwald's teachers for the days off because he felt as though he wouldn't be able to get out of bed. The pain in his ribs seared onto his back and stomach. He did, however, ask to meet with Roderich this afternoon. Berwald sighed and lifted himself out of the bed slowly.

"Hey, guys, get ready." Berwald spoke through the pain. "It's 8 am"

The first up was Emil. He jumped from the bunk and woke up Timo; who threw a pillow at him.

"I'm surprised we even have a floor left after that Emil. Why can't you use the ladder like a normal person?" Timo grumbled, sitting up in his bunk. Even when he has just woken up, and still in his Tigger pyjamas, Berwald is still captivated by him. _Why isn't it socially acceptable to go around kissing the people you love?_

"Oi, Matt, we know you are in there. Get up" Emil poked the mysterious human shaped lump in the duvet. The lump groaned and the peeked out of the top of the duvet.

"I don't wanna" Matthias complained, looking at Emil with disgust. "I'm dying."

"No, you're hungover on Timo's vodka." Emil shot a glance to the furious Timo "I tried to stop him man, but he had already drunk all 10 beers and refused to drink the wine "

"You're dead to me." Timo spat, looking directly into Matthias' eyes. This threat was shallow but Berwald intended on making it up to Timo.

"Now now children, get ready for college. It is now 8:20." Lukas swung forward and gave them all a look that could kill.

.

Once again, they took turns to use the bathroom. As Eduard wasn't in the room, they couldn't steal their bathroom either. At one point Lukas was banging on the door of the bathroom because his brother was taking far too long.

"We're gonna be late Emi, get your arse out here now." Lukas was already dressed but he wanted to get out of the dorms as soon as possible.

"We could leave him?" Matthias grinned, nudging an unamused Lukas.

"We are not leaving my brother alone in this house, do you hear me?" Lukas growled before hitting the door again. "Goddamnit Emi, hurry up."

" 's not a house" Matthias grumbled, kicking the base of the door.

Just after this, Emil sauntered out of the bathroom. He was head-to-toe in black, with large platform boots. He nodded to his brother, and walked ungainly over to the bed for his iPod.

"You change those boots now Emi, you can't even walk in them." Lukas rolled his eyes.

"It's the fashion police calling" Berwald whispered to Timo, making him laugh more than humanly possible. _It wasn't even supposed to be funny._

"Fine, but I'm wearing them outside of college " Emil scowled and began to unlace them. "As long as I can use your converse."

"Whatever, just get ready soon. You don't want Matt driving like a maniac do you? If we're any later, he might have to." Lukas sighed, gesturing wildly.

"Don't listen to him Emil, he always drives like a maniac" Timo laughed, nudging Berwald. The Swede winced sharply, instantly regretting the noise. He had just let on how much pain he actually was in. "Oh my god Ber, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot."

"Well, we're all ready. Loverboys, get your asses in that car." Matthias called, pointing to the door with as theatrical a motion as he could muster. "And you two"

.

"So, how come you're here Berwald, don't you have a day off?" Matthias questioned as he dropped everyone off. He stayed in the car for a moment with Berwald. "Why did I pull all of those strings if you are coming to college anyway?"

"Oh no, I need to meet with Roderich in an hour. I thought to wait here for him."

"Do you want me to take you to the library? It'll be better to wait there for him. K'mon, my lesson doesn't start for another hour." Matthias offered, stepping out of the car and then encouraging Berwald to do the same.

"Aren't you taking your car?" Berwald asked, wondering why he has it if he just keeps it in the car park all of the time.

"It's easier to walk it, especially at this time in a morning. The only reason I took the car to college is because it takes the piss to walk." Matthias answered, proving that he wasn't as stupid as he looked. Berwald took this answer as the truth, as he had never been around Birmingham- except with Timo once and Eduard once.

"So, how come you beat Ivan up then?" Matthias questioned. Berwald was unsure whether he didn't know or that he was just using this as a way to tease Berwald. "I heard some stories but I wanted to ask you in person."

"Well, he shouldn't have hurt Timo for a start. Then I saw his face; it was one I couldn't get tired of punching. Then he got three of his friends to jump me so I beat them too. I'm assuming Ivan got them to hurt Timo too. They  had to pay" Berwald answered bluntly.

"Shit man. Didn't know you had that in you" Mathias exclaimed, waving his hands in disbelief. Berwald shrugged.

"I've heard that before; not this time but before. When I was back home, I'd get into fights all the time. None of them would believe it was me though; being the quiet kid n'all." Berwald mumbled, not entirely sure why he was giving out some of his most private memories to a near stranger. Matthias gave a disbelieving hum and fell back into silence. "I'll just text Rod to tell him where to go"

**Roderich, hello, there's been a change of plans due to Matt not wanting to wait at college. Meet me in the library when your lesson has finished. Don't get too lost.**

Not a moment had passed when Berwald's phone alerted him to a text.

 **Ah, I see you have fallen victim to the clutches of the madman. I will meet you there in half an hour. I'll finish sooner as this lesson doesn't really matter anyway. Good luck Berwald, good luck**.

Berwald chuckled under his breath and held his hand over his mouth. _For a snob, Roderich can be fairly funny when he wants to be._ Matthias glared at Berwald, gesturing for him to hand over the phone.

"What are you laughing at? Probably me; prissy bastard hates me.." Matthias muttered, holding his hand out for the phone. Berwald just ignored him and continued to walk; even if he had no clue in which direction he was walking.  
"You can't even go anywhere cause you know nowhere to go" Matthias jeered, sprinting up to Berwald without another word about the phone.

.

"Well I'll let you guys go! I have a lesson now anyway." Matthias spoke, slapping his knees and standing up. "Berwald" he nodded in the Swede's direction with a smile but then dropped it as he turned to Roderich. "Eldestein"

"Køhler" Roderich replied bitterly before sitting down at the table. Berwald had never heard so much condescension in one word in his life. Roderich was slightly flustered and had flyaway hairs everywhere.

His expression then softened as he saw Berwald. "What brings you to ask me out somewhere? Surely you have better friends."

"Roderich, I enjoy your company. You do not have to feign nonchalance around me." Berwald was never much of a comforter but he would try his damnedest. "Shall we walk? Or do you need a moment?"

"I should be fine in a moment." he nodded, taking an inhaler out of his pocket and taking two breaths from it. "Just let me have this moment."

.

A shop stood before them and Berwald remembered his mentally noted plan from earlier. "Hey, is it ok if I go in here for a moment?" He knocked Roderich from his thoughts; before answering, he coughed once and pushed his glasses up.

"By all means my friend. I'll come with you if that is ok? I don't really like being outside on my own"

Berwald entered the off licence, Roderich in tow. He was intent on getting something to make up for Matthias' stupidity earlier. He walked straight to the alcohol aisle and Roderich sped to his side.

"What are we in here for anyway, you didn't really specify." Roderich questioned as he caught up with Berwald.

"Timo needs more vodka- a certain idiot named Matthias drank 2 bottles of it. There was an argument of sorts this morning about it." Berwald sighed, what had he gotten himself into?

"Oh, well then, I understand that problem. Unless it was a bad day, a bottle of schnapps used to last me for a week. That was until I met Gilbert." Roderich grimaced "Now I have to hide anything with an alcohol content; from 3 people!"

"I can't believe some people. And wait, three people?"

"Yes, there's also Erzsi and her girlfriend." Roderich began, stopping suddenly as Berwald did too.

"Here we are. I'll get him a bottle of this; that's probably one of the best. Here anyway." Berwald spoke to himself, reaching for the large bottle of Russian Standard. He then walked to the counter, a line had gathered whilst they were looking through the bottles. Mainly college students who were stocking up for the upcoming weekend.

"How come you are doing this? I mean, he could get it himself" Roderich spoke in his usual nonchalant tone. Berwald thought it amusing that the man couldn't see why he was making such a small gesture.

"Well, somebody has to mop up Matthias' mistakes. And Timo is still in a rough state." Berwald was grasping for straws. Why admit something when you could make them guess the answer? _Or just give them an equally rediculous answer instead._

"Oh. What actually happened friend? You never told me. I only heard from other people" Roderich broke Berwald from his thoughts.

"I've told this story so many times today but once more couldn't hurt." Berwald muttered and then put the bottle in his backpack. There was nothing else in it but it was always handy to keep around. "I had to defend Timo and then Ivan was just one of those people. His face was one of those that needed punching."

"Well, I respect your anger my friend. I'm glad you have found someone who you can defend; because that, in itself, is the best thing in this world." Roderich nodded with a smile.

"Would you like a coffee? I'll pay." Berwald spoke suddenly, trying not to swell with pride at these words. Roderich had heard his favourite words.

"Of course! But are you sure, I can pay if you want" _a lie_ "Where would you like to go?" Roderich doesn't even carry a wallet around for events like this.

"No it's ok, I'll pay for you. I have my allowance today so I might as well." Berwald sighed, knowing full well how much of a miser the man was. Having talked to the man's boyfriend anyway. "And I was hoping that you knew somewhere to go; I have only been here for the past few weeks."

"Ah, well I know where Costa is. That is probably it. I haven't been living here for very long either, it was Gilbert who brought me here." Roderich stopped to let out a cough "And this looked like the best college in the area"

"Ah, there are a fair few people who are here because of that reason." Berwald began "My cousin told me about this place, thought that my skills would be better there than in a tiny village area."

"Well, the village life is well and good, but I have to agree. You seem far too well read to be cooped up on a farm all day. With all due respect"

"No it's ok, I do agree. So did my mother." Berwald shrugged, trying to not take these words to heart. "I didn't really care for the family business anyway. It was either farming and a stall on the market, or stay at home and sew with my mother and sister."

They stood in front of the Costa now, silence falling upon the two. Thankfully, it wasn't too far from the college boarding houses.

"What would you like?" Berwald asked, tapping Roderich on the shoulder. The Austrian jumped at this action but soon calmed.

"Well, I would like a latte please. Size is up to you, as you are paying. You are paying right?" Roderich spoke in a matter of seconds. _Your miserly nature proceeds you, Roderich._

"Yes, I'm paying, don't worry." Berwald sighed. "And is a large ok? I mean, I have the money so I might as well treat you." These words reminded him of the day he met with Timo. _I got you a large, it doesn't matter about the prices._

"Ah, yes. I shall find us a seat then" Roderich nodded, pushing his glasses up swiftly and nearly hitting himself in the forehead. "Upstairs?"

"Wherever is ok with me." Berwald nodded before turning to the till and ordering.

.

"Here we go. One large Mocha and one large Latte!" the barista smiled sweetly, handing Berwald the tray. "Enjoy your coffee." Berwald nodded and took some sugar from the pot on the counter. He was trying desperately to not make eye contact with any of the baristas; in fear of a conversation. He gave a half-hearted smile to the barista who served him and then made his way to the stairs. The shop was packed so Roderich is bound to be found up there.

"Ah, there you are friend. I thought you had gotten lost." Roderich smiled, barely even registering his words. "Thank you for the coffee."

"No it's ok. Who am I if I can't treat my friends once in a while." Berwald grimaced. He knew that this favour would never be returned; not that he cares, it's just there is a principal to people buying you things. At least in his mind there is.

"You are a wonderful person, you know that?" Roderich declared, not really sure of his words again. He seemed to blurt out whatever was restrained in him, after the party, to Berwald. "Thank you again for this." This seemed more genuine than the first.

"I won't hear another word about it." Berwald mumbled, staring into the painfully milky abyss. "How are you and Gilbert?" A silent nod to their conversation prior. Roderich picked up on this instantly though; grimacing at the mere mention of his boyfriend's name.

"I was foolish telling you all of that, wasn't I?"

"You certainly aren't the first to tell me random information without thought, and you won't be the last. It's ok, nothing is repeated." Berwald stated bluntly. There was a nicer way of putting things but he didn't know how. "Now you can vent if you like"

"Well, he has been normal. It's me that hasn't been. Stuck in my thoughts, distant. I just can't help it. He tries to show me love, be intimate even, and I can't even look him in the eyes. My past is getting to me"

"How so?" Berwald simply asked, not wanting to disrupt the man's chain of thoughts too much. He slipped his coffee, causing steam to attack his glasses.

"My conquests of the past have come to haunt me, I suppose. A tour of Europe gone wrong." Roderich sighed. "I'm just worried that Gilbert has the same promiscuity levels." He paused again, letting out a bitter chuckle "And to think that they're all friends? Just my luck."

"But you don't have to worry about promiscuity, worry about his fidelity. Has he cheated on anyone before?"

"Not that I know of, but that isn't really something that you want your current partner knowing, is it!" he laughed tastelessly. A bitter undertone was all Berwald managed to retrieve from this statement.

"That is true, but there is always a way to know." Since his move to England, he has been watching a painful amount of  'Jeremy Kyle'. So much so that he was ashamed to admit it; and would likely lie to someone's face to prove the opposite statement.

"Well, tell me, oh private investigator." Roderich's eyebrow raised in amusement. The smirk on his face was one of pure abrasive bitterness. He was far more amiable when drunk...

"Does he question your fidelity often? That is usually the biggest sign." Berwald began, only to be cut off for the sake of it.

"Next to them disappearing for hours on end, I presume? Oh, not forgetting the immense guilt and their inability to look you in the eye." once Roderich had started, there was no stopping him. "How about them calling out another's name, eh?!"

"Rod, please calm down." Berwald muttered, unsure of what to do with the hysterical man. "You know this is going to solve nothing." They both dissolved into silence but Berwald respected that. Roderich needed time; as someone who just coats his pain in bitter remarks and scathing tones, he can't handle being so vulnerable.

Roderich looked to the table and shook his head. He pushed his glasses up and then pinched his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "I hope you can forgive me, it's been a horrendous week."  His voice was strained but full of genuine apology. He slipped his coffee and Berwald followed suit.

"Is there anything you need to get off your chest, apart from that." Berwald questioned. Although he disliked seeing people at their lowest, he also didn't mind someone else leading the conversation. Roderich was more than happy to comply.

"My family life was never any good either. Always chopping and changing through family members- even from the beginning, no one truly wanted me. Only my little Petunie ever cared for me. She had to stay at home though, being my great grandfather's piano and all. I took her books with me everywhere, and is now the reason why I know so many pieces off by heart." Roderich stopped for Berwald's reaction; all the other managed to muster was a hum and a sip of his coffee.

"I'm just sick of people hating me. Gilbert is bound to leave me in a few months, no one puts up with me for longer than 2"

"No one hates you Roderich. You just have to understand that people come and go; love is temporary, until you meet that one. And, as much as he can be an arse, I think Gilbert is the one." Berwald spoke around his cup of coffee. At this point, he was just reciting things that other people have told him. "You know that he can go off with his friends but still love you right? Francis told me, after the party, how proud Gilbert is to call you his."

Roderich smiled shakily, his slender hands wringing themselves out on eachother. Berwald tried to pull up the messages and ignore the, quite frankly, sweet shade of pink lining Roderich's cheeks.

"You don't have to show me ok? I believe you more than anyone here." Roderich placed his hand on Berwald's. His heart stopped as he remembered the moment Timo did the exact same. Berwald nervously pushed his glasses up his nose and tried to hide the flustered nature in his eyes.

"I can if you do need reassurance. Also, talk to Francis and Antonio; they know Gilbert better than you would think. Or so it seems from my position."

"Yes, they are his only friends. Surprising, huh? He seems so popular but most people don't talk to him that much." Roderich chuckled bitterly. "Still more friends than me."

Berwald sighed deeply; after years of having barely any friends, he had come to one conclusion. "Some people aren't fit for being popular. So what?"

"Sound advice" Roderich scoffed, waving his hand in dismissal. "I know what you mean but I can't shake the feeling that Gilbert has all of these friends to mock my past."

"As far as Francis is concerned, they had been friends for a while before you and he met. He meaning both of them." Berwald mentioned. Going around in circles had already become tedious.

"I don't know. I was never really involved in Francis' life outside of sex and the occasional date." Roderich admitted sheepishly. "All I knew is that Antonio talked about him a lot."

"How did your past go? Relationships wise." Berwald asked probably the stupidest question on this planet. Roderich merely scoffed before speaking again.

"Do you really want to know? Because it is a mess; one big tour of Europe as I said earlier."

"They all happened in a month or two, by the way, and started fairly young. My first was Erzsi, when we were both still in denial. We met on an exchange programme ordered by our school. I did- do- love her, but not like that." Roderich paused to drink his coffee. "Then came Francis, there's no point in reciting this bit of my sordid affairs."

"Is that it? Or are there more?" Berwald asked calmly, worried that Roderich was getting ahead of himself.

"No." he began, almost sheepishly. "There was also Vash. The headstrong, fair-but-harsh blackjack dealer from Lucerne. I don't know how we managed to even make it past the first conversation- we were that different."

"I've noticed." Berwald muttered. Although he hadn't spoken to the Swiss man, Francis had told him all about him. He was in his second year of university, from what Berwald had been told, and practically despised anyone younger than him. "I'm surprised to hear you were with him."

Roderich hummed in agreement; even he didn't fully understand why. "But there was also some others. Flings that lasted over a week maximum. I found Gilbert in a bar whilst waiting for a one night stand; who stood me up anyway. Gilbert actually swept up my heart but he knew why I was in the bar."

"Has he ever been bothered by it before?" Berwald feared that this question was too far, that he had spoken out of turn, but Roderich just looked into his coffee and mumbled a disheartened reply.

"No. Although some days, I wish he would. I wish that he would tell me how filthy I am, how undeserving of love I am, but he doesn't. He loves me in a way no one should. I am a pathetic wretch but he worships the ground I walk on." Roderich paused to push his glasses up, "If only he would humour my thoughts, talk to me as I am."

"You are none of these things though. We all have our pasts" _a lie_ "and we can all get over them." Berwald was a relative newcomer to the dating scene but he had seen many of his friends go through similar things.

"But mine is truly inescapable; most of my friends or Gil's friends are my exes." Roderich raised his eyebrows in disgust. "I can't help but remember the way they were; the way that, on some days, I still want them."

"You want to be with them again?" Berwald asked, Roderich's words slipping over the top of his head yet again. He prayed for someone to meet them; someone to pull him from the other's rut again, but that chance is minimal.

"You don't understand, do you?" Roderich sipped his coffee and laughed with vague hints of sympathy and jealousy. "Oh I wish I were you. The hours I sit and remember things we did. Like Christmas on the Danube with Erszi, or dancing in the heat of the night with Antonio. I used to go hiking with Vash; only because he wanted me to. All of these things remind me of them and I cannot escape that. Even pieces of music. Clair de Lune always reminds me of Francis; it's sombre and tragic sound, paired with a romantic undertone. It was perfect for him. As much as I try to call them flings, as much as I try to kid myself, I love them all."

"I cannot say I have been in that position." Berwald added "But can't you do similar things again with them, just as friends. Make your brain remember them as good friends and an example of a well spent youth." His suggestions were running thin. How can someone who has not felt this pain possibly be any use to someone who is going through it?

"I wish it were that simple, my friend. The memories themselves aren't the problem. It's just I get twisted between the sweet and the other memories. With the sweet turns of my life, come the fighting, and the make up sex, and then the lack of love. It all comes tumbling down in one, because all of my relationships are doomed from the beginning. As soon as my name is mentioned, that person will feel nothing but dispair."

"You don't cause anything of the sort, I promise that to you. You are wonderful, past or no past. What matters now is the present, and the relationships you can salvage. Erszi and Francis seem like good friends to you, why not build that instead?"

Before Roderich could speak, his eyes filled with a mild terror. Berwald could feel warm breath on the back of his neck.

"Francis is what, mon cher?" a light voice came, sending shivers down Berwald's back. "Please do tell" The figure let off a soft chuckle at the two's fear,; he then pulled up a chair and sat besides them.

"Francis, hello. We were talking about you not too you so please leave." Roderich sneered from above the rim of his coffee cup.

"Why so abrasive, darling, we all know your wit is the sharpest here." Francis smiled back. His sweet look only made the words sting more.

"Why are you here? Come to taunt me again?" Roderich snapped back, his face going slightly red.

"I came to talk. I've heard about your recent state of mind; not from Ber here, so don't drag him into it" Francis stopped all niceties for a second, making sure Roderich was listening "You need to talk to Gilbert about it ok? Nothing can change by talking to us, I promise you that much."

"Why does everyone seem to know what I'm feeling apart from me? What is the point!?" Roderich grew more tense with every word. "I might as well leave all together."

"Roderich, you're getting ahead of yourself again. You need to stop and think for a moment." Francis pressed his forefinger and thumb into the bridge of his nose.

"Well, I see where I stand." Roderich glared to Francis and then nodded to Berwald. "I'll see you both around." He made his exit, swift and with the airs and graces expected of him. Even the way he walked screamed upper class.

"I'm so sorry for him. He gets far too emotional for his own good darling. He'll be fine in the morning." Francis patted Berwald's arm and stood up. "Will you be needing a refill on your coffee; we have some talking to do."

"Yeah, I'll get them." Berwald stood up too, cup in hand. Francis just waved him off.

"No no, it's ok! I'll pay, I've just had my paycheck." They both walked into the queue, a rediculously long line for the time of day.

"What do you want to talk to me about then?"

"Timo, my darling, Timo." Francis smirked, waving his hand in Berwald's face.

"I gathered that would be a topic..." Berwald sighed. His thoughts had stormed back; a violent array of beautiful words and deeds.

.

"So, Timo. Tell me everything" Francis smiled, folding his arms around the cup. Berwald hated that phrase more than anything in the world.

"Well what do you want to know, that's a rather broad question." Berwald looked into his coffee, saves gritting his teeth at Francis.

"Well, he is my best friend, so I know a lot already, but I want to know what has happened with you two."

"Well, I do think I love him..." Berwald sighed. "But I don't know what to do."

"Well, I guess I will have to help you with that. Another day of course, Casanova cannot be made in the back of a Starbucks." Francis smiled, even his eyes filled with joy. "Now, tell me more about him!"

**Author's Note:**

> The Antichrist-A religious commentary by Nietzsche (I love George DeValier's version of Iceland so this is a loving nod to that)
> 
> I have changed the nyotalia character's last names so that they aren't related to their 1p counterparts. Obviously, if they have a fairly common surname (like nyo America) I have left them in.


End file.
